A Lenten Prayer by Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Disturb us, O Lord when we are too well-pleased with ourselves when our dreams have come true because we dreamed too little, because we sailed too close to the shore. Disturb us, O Lord when with the abundance of things we possess, we have lost our thirst for the water of life when, having fallen in love with time, we have ceased to dream of eternity and in our efforts to build a new earth, we have allowed our vision of Heaven to grow dim. Stir us, O Lord to dare more boldly, to venture into wider seas where storms show Thy mastery, where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars. In the name of Him who pushed back the horizons of our hopes and invited the brave to follow.

Amen

Lent - Week one

I've always thought that the common thought of 'be careful of what you pray for because you'll be tested' was really bad theology. It is right up there with the idea that depression or miscarriages are God's will to make you depend on Him more --horrible, bad theology.

However, this week that is being put to the test. It is the very practice that I've taken up for Lent that has seemingly thrown my life into chaos. Or if it is just coincidence. Or the February Funk has infected my whole family....but it is ugly up in here.

I'm committed though. As best I can.

Writing a Lent liturgy

One of the things I want to do this Lent is to write my own liturgy. Not because I'm a great writer or very profound, but rather to give shape to this rhythm that I'm trying to create in my life. So far I've got a song that I want to listen to at the beginning:

Gungor - Dry Bones

Some other good Lenten reads:

Nadia Bolz Weber - Why I love Ash Wednesday and Lent, Part 1 & 2
Tripp Fuller - Did Jesus have to die to save us from our sins?

Lenten Times

Clearly I can only write during certain Church seasons, most notably the ones that are darker and involve waiting like Advent and Lent. No writing for me in more joyous seasons like CHRISTMAS! and EASTER!

This lent season comes right when I feel as though I am slipping into a full blown funk. It is no big secret that this time of year is hard for me. I'd been doing well, eating right and exercising, but life catches up and you can't fight body chemistry. It was also a crazy start to the new year with all of us in school, Jeff not working and me overworking to compensate. However, that's neither here or there, it is just life.

The biggest thing for me has been one of the classes I've been taking: Doctrinal Heritage. This class has singlehandedly deconstructed my faith in a way that has sent me into a bit of a crisis. That crazy song that you learn in Sunday school, "For the bible tells me so..." is a crock of shit when faced with hard questions. And it's not like I haven't faced hard questions from others before, but this class takes what YOU think and deconstructs in a way that you are left thinking, Why the hell do I believe that?!?!?

So this Lent season I am giving up something and taking up a spiritual practice. This doesn't make me more holy, but simply reminds me of how broken I am. The giving up piece is something that I struggle privately with and the taking up of a spiritual discipline is to help me reorient myself to God.

Blessings to you in your Lenten journey...

Here are some great Lent reflections/blogs that I've read recently:

Giving up Self Discipline for Lent
'I didn't ask you to give up coffee, I asked you to give up your life
Why practicing Lent is crazy
40 Ideas for Lent
Fat Tuesday and Skinny Wednesday

A 'me' day gone horribly wrong.

That title is a tiny bit misleading. The day itself was OK, the following days were horrible! It started with me cutting off the long locks that were forming into a disaster on my head. A lovely time with my very pregnant Swedish stylist who told me who was 'good' with short hair so that I'd be OK till she got back from mat. leave. Then I headed off to a massage to deal with some chronic problems with my Achilles injury and neck and shoulders. That's when the trouble started.

I've gone to massage before, but it has mostly been a relaxing type of massage. This time I knew I needed some more serious work, so found a sports massage place that was used to dealing with these injuries. My therapist was this tiny woman with hands of steel. During the massage she was telling me that she used to compete as a gymnast for Canada and had seen some Achilles injuries.

As she was working my Achilles, she made a comment about some atrophied muscle behind the tendon and asked if there complications during my surgery. Besides the fact that I was in a cast for almost 4 months? NO. But it explains some of the other things that have befallen the right side of my body. Sheesh. Then she started working on my back, which she described as feeling like old gum. Let me tell you, it felt good to have it worked out. I could feel it loosening and the pain of the massage was overshadowed by the relief of the muscles relaxing. I was feeling good! Great even! As the massage ended, she told me that I might be a little sore the next day, but just to stretch it out. I could deal with a little sore, heck I've been a little 'sore' for a few years now. A couple of Advil and a heat pack and I'd be good to go.

Lies. All lies. I woke up Saturday morning and within 2 hours I had a raging headache. I went back to bed in order to gather energy for the birthday party I needed to take Bear to in a town an hour away. Mid way through the party which was being held at Chucky Cheese (think 200 screaming kids, lights flashing and a noise level nearing screeching), I started feeling nauseous. I made it through the drive home, gave Bear the Ipad and told her to hang tight till Jeff and Pookie got home. I grabbed a bowl and fell into bed for the next 19 hours. Every time I got up, my head pounded, my muscles and joints hurt and I couldn't focus to hold a decent conversation. During one lucid moment, I googled deep tissue massage side effects and found out what the problem was.

Apparently, when you have a deep tissue massage, all these nasty toxins are released out of your muscles and into your bloodstream. Now these little buggers are so pissed that you evacuated them out of their cozy homes that they attack your whole system to make you sick as a dog. The only way to get them out is to hydrate them out. Drink water, take baths with Epson salts and hold on for dear life. Apparently, those lovely folks at the massage place FORGOT to tell me that crucial piece of information. A "little sore" is a lot different than "wrecked for 3 days".

When I called them today, they were super apologetic but firm in telling me to get my ass back in there for a follow up massage.
So I'm hydrating.

Hydrating like a pregnant woman about to have an ultrasound.

Musings

One of the numerous benefits from my time as an intern in Camden, NJ was the introduction to so many great writers: Henri Nouwen, Jean Vanier, Bonhoeffer, and a Camden resident -Walt Whitman. This quote came across my desk today and it seemed to fit:



If you can't read it in the design, either click on it or read below:

“This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.”

~Walt Whitman

Thoughts for the New Year

I'm pondering the idea of having a 2012 theme verse. I'm not usually that holy, but in living a year where Psalm 127 became very meaningful, the idea is more appealing. However, like how Psalm 127 entered our life, I wanted it to be more of an organic coming to a verse, rather than an exhuastive search or a mindless open bible - pick verse method.

Since I'm a visual person, I was excited to find Word Designs. (My favorite is his 1 Timothy design) This guy struggled reading Scripture like me. So as a graphic designer, he decided to read through the bible and create a design for each book. I loved his idea and am doing it through the book of Matthew currently. I may post some of those designs later. But, I came across this verse in First Corinthians 14:19 and turned it into a design a month or so ago. And I kept coming back to this verse and thinking on it in terms of all the aspects of my life: as a wife, mother, employee, daughter, sister, friend and as a woman. So this is my verse...

First Corinthians 14:19 - To make this verse more holistic, I am replacing the word 'church' with 'life'. (although, I'm including church in my life!)

But in the church I would rather speak five intelligible words to instruct others than ten thousand words in a tongue.

Blessings to you in this New Year!