It's a Dutch thing

Sometimes in life your culture comes up and smacks you in the face. You don't even realize that you do things differently until someone points it out. Today was a day like that. We'd been invited to celebrate friends' birthdays, a mother and daughter. As we entered the house, we brought flowers and said our happy birthdays to the respective birthday girls. And then we offered our congratulations to the parents of each each birthday girl.

Confused yet?

In the Dutch culture, you congratulate the mother of the birthday person. So you would say, "Congratulations on your son/daughter's birthday." Folks who are not Dutch think this is very strange...why would you congratulate the mother of the birthday person? But when you think about it, why wouldn't you? She was the one who brought you into the world, amongst much pain and labour. The birthday person was just there for the ride.

The good thing was that this was a Dutch family, though second and third generation...but there is a kinship when you uphold these little pieces of your culture and teach them to your kids. I kinda like it.

And as the Dutch say, 'If you ain't Dutch, you ain't much!'

Downward mobility

I've been mulling over in my mind this concept of downward mobility for a couple of months. I've resisted blogging about it simply because I don't want to come across as preachy. Or holy. Or as super sacrificial. Rather, it is simply a recognition that at this time, in this space and season of our lives, this path seems like the right choice for our family.****

So here goes...

Around Easter I was gifted with a CD from friends of ours. The CD, 'Under the Shadow' was written and recorded in their living room in a little cabin on a island off the coast. Tom is a gifted musician paired with a wordsmith for a wife, Karen. One of their songs, Unless the Lord builds is written based on Psalm 127. On one of my drives into work, this song implanted in my heart and I spent the day reading and re-reading this psalm. Then I began thinking of our family and what this psalm meant in relation to our lives together.

Without a doubt, having me work as much as I do has taken a toll on my family. I can see it in the girls and the odd time in Hubby. But I'd rather work than have Hubby do multiple jobs as he has done in the past. The reality is that though we have been blessed with the housing/life we have, it takes at least 1 3/4 of an income to maintain it. And that is living pretty simply in suburban terms. And to be perfectly honest, it is stressful...I know we are not the only ones like this.

However, what I began to realize is that we DO NOT have to live like this. Without a doubt, God has blessed both Hubby and I with great jobs and with great employers who recognize our desire to put our family first. So how is it not enough? Quite simply, our house is killing us. We make enough money to live comfortably if our housing cost was reduced even by 1/4.

And perhaps an even bigger issue was the fact that our beautiful and brilliant daughter Pookie is showing some of the same signs and challenges of a learning disability that Hubby has. Both Pookie and Hubby are very, very smart..off the charts smart...if you test them orally. Ask them to write or read and they both have a very hard time deciphering words. Hubby was tested in his mid twenties, but suffered through years of schooling that reinforced his weaknesses instead of his strengths. Now in graduate school, Hubby can often get better grades than I because his thoughts and ideas are strong.(and his wife edits his papers for him...she's a keeper that one!) Back to Pookie, the school has identified her as a student that extra help/assessments/support. The cost of doing all the testing runs in the thousands of dollars. And then we'd need to get her tutoring, 2 or 3 times a week, which would run hundreds of dollars a month. Since we are just making ends meet now, to add those costs into the equation would quickly drive us into the negative.

So, after weeks of praying through Psalm 127, Hubby and I have decided to sell our townhouse and go back to renting. (the story of our rental will have to wait till another post, but it is totally God-orchestrated!) By renting and downsizing our "stuff", we will be able to support Pookie in her learning, offer both Pookie and Bear the opportunity to try different activities like dance or art classes and allow us to save money for the future. And even to enjoy a coffee or dinner out guilt free! More importantly, it lets us rest and savour both the blessing of work and the blessing of family without one sacrificing for the other.

The scary part of this whole decision was letting our parents know. The general thought is to always move onwards and upwards, gathering assets as we go. And there is a bit of sense of failure that we cannot do that. However, both sets of parents have been INCREDIBLY supportive and we are so thankful for that. (I think telling them we were going to sell everything in 3 years to go travelling eased the shock of us selling now to rent. At least we aren't leaving yet!)

In the end, I can honestly say that there is a sense of relief and burden lifting. Hubby and I are different in many ways, but we've always viewed life the same way. In this season it is all about our family. Not about giving the girls everything they want, but providing everything they need. Not about working ourselves so hard that we have little to give each other, but working enough to give each other best of ourselves. And trusting that God honors that and that we honor Him through that.

***I was going to wait till I could articulate this in a poetic and winsome way, but that could take forever...so word vomit it is!***

An update.

I've been working on a blog post about downward mobility, but Hubby gently suggested that perhaps I needed to provide an update on the ongoing saga of my health...so here goes.

The bone scan came back "unremarkable".(This was the message from the receptionist) Which basically means no cancer, no obvious signs of joint degeneration etc. Good news I think, but it brings us back to square one in terms of figuring out what is wrong. It hearkens back to our infertility struggle when we were given the diagnosis of "unexplainable infertility". This is like "unexplainable joint pain". Frick! I wish my body would "woman up" and owe a diagnosis for once! But, apparently there is something wonky with my blood work. So I'm back in for more tests this Friday afternoon.

For me, I'm almost at the point where I don't care about an official diagnosis, but more about pain management. On a good day, I run about a 1.5 or 2 on the pain scale. The pain needs to hit about a 7 before I take anything to take the edge off. The best ever pain scale poster I've seen was on Allie Brosh's Hyperbole and a Half. (which you should be reading. all the time.)

Here is a normal doctor office pain scale:

Here is Allie's version:

Seems about right to me.

So there you go. Pretty unsatisfying eh?

This past week.

I have good friends and family. I was reminded of this in countless emails, facebook messages and phone calls asking about the results of the tests. The reality is that getting a medical test 1 day before a major long weekend holiday is perhaps THE WORST TIME EVER to get a test. I have not heard anything yet, but may in the next couple days. On the bruise front, I've had several folks ask me gently how I got the bruises...because they really do look like someone gave them to me. So I'm thankful for the cool weather so that I'm not tempted to wear T-shirts and shorts, cause I'm pretty sure that someone would call the authorities about my beloved Hubby! The best news might be that in the first time in 6+ times of traveling to this particular airport, I was NOT searched. I just breezed through with barely a glance in my direction. Victory!

Last week I spent a good portion of it at our denominational assembly in Banff.(tough life, I know!) It was full of 15 hour days and with it came several times where I was teaching and preaching/speaking. And although every time it felt as though my heart would pound out of my chest, it went really well. Especially since there were a lot of older folk/conservative viewpoints, I felt nothing but really affirmed and embraced. And I don't speak of easy things. I often say really hard things in challenging our churches to reframe how they look at community and hospitality and welcome. I considered it a success when I had several very crotchy people come up to me and admit that I may be 'on to something'.

But perhaps the highlight/reminder that stood out to me is this...I'm kinda good at this teaching, preaching, speaking thing. And I type this not because I want some sort of kudos from my faithful readers, but more as a challenge to myself to accept this part of me. The part that loves to learn and to share that with others. To speak truth about the Truth. To challenge people to live differently and in that to challenge myself to do the same. Which then circles me back to the fact that I currently go to a church that doesn't nessarily affirms me that gifting. But that is another post altogether.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't speak about the good people I hung out with in Banff. I am both thankful that I know them and that they are in this denomination serving. We had discussions about creationism, salvation, leadership in faith communities, how to make the best deep fried food, Canucks and what we should drink that night. You can't ask for better, more generous folks that those that I can call friends. Looking forward to November when both Hubby and I head to Banff. (FYI, a lot of people think I have a mythical husband since he has never been able to join me. It has sparked some interesting rumors though)

I am glad to be home.

Superpowers, Part Deux

First off, I need to say that I don't know the results of the scan. When I know...you'll eventually know.

The scan was relatively easy since I am not claustrophobic. At one point the machine was about a centimetre from my nose for about 4 minutes. Of course my nose was itching unbearably during that time, but you need to stay still for the entirety of the scan...45 min! It was pretty cool to watch my skeleton light up on screen. Until they noticed I was watching and turned it so that I couldn't see. ( I should have brought my friend T who used to be a Nuc-Med Tech till she used her superpower of fertility to create 5 cute kids!)

As I was getting ready to leave I noticed a sign that said that if you were planning on traveling within a week of the scan, you needed to get a letter from the technician. So I asked the tech why I would need a letter. She informed me that I would most likely set off the radiation detectors at the airport and the letter gets me through. Well crap. I already have that superpower...you know, the "you've been randomly selected, let me put my hand down your pants to make sure you are not a terrorist" power. I use it all the time when I'm traveling...just to make the experience a bit more fun. The last thing I need is to have that power ENHANCED!!! (just as an aside, another side effect I noticed was massive bruising on parts of my body. I'm pretty sure I haven't been beaten with a baseball bat or run into walls...so I'm thinking it might be some sort of reaction??!!?? I'm sure as hell NOT googling it though.)

Anyways, I'm going east of the Rockies on Wednesday. I'll let you know how it goes!

Easter dresses and the tree of Life

The girls always surprise me with their desire to having matching dresses. Here's this year's version, a gift from Hubby's parents.

This year at the church we did an art installation of sorts. Good Friday we had the image of a barren dead tree (which I don't have a picture of). Then this morning was the tree with a blue background, a sign of life

Then folks were invited to come and place their handprints on the tree as a reminder that we are a community together.

The final image. A perfect visual of Easter.

I'm hoping for superpowers....

For months I've been waiting for a specialist's appointment to find out why my body sometimes feels 37 and sometimes feels 87. Granted, I haven't had a pain free day since I tore my Achilles tendon (5 years ago), but the pain has upped its game these last 2 years. If ibuprofen came in bulk, I be a happy girl.

Any way, I had my appointment on Tuesday. The doctor poked and prodded, asked questions, and poked and prodded some more. Then looked at me and said, 'we need to talk'..and then he paused and looked down into my file. For like 2 minutes! Honestly, I thought he was going to tell me that I was dying. Or crazy. Cause I'm not quite sure which is worse. Finally he looked at me and told me that he wanted extensive bloodwork done and a bone scan. The scan involves injecting radioactive goop into me (my words, not his!) and having the goop adhere to my bones so that I can be scanned head to toe looking for 'abnormalities'.

So, I headed off to get blood drawn and prepared myself to wait another few months for the scan. Then my phone rang an hour later. It was the doctor's office informing me that I'd been bumped to the top of the list and that I was to go in Thursday (today) for the scan. As I hung up, I wasn't sure if I should marvel at the efficiency of my doctor or be scared out of my mind that I've been booked in so quickly. I've gone back and forth between the two in these last 48 hours.
Then I made the tactical error of googling bone scan. Sheer stupidity on my part since it just made it worse. Curse you internets!

So, I've gotten my shot already, which I consider a major victory since just as I walked into the clinic, there was a woman violently throwing up from her test. My tech assured me that it wouldn't happen to me and it hasn't. Yet. In an hour I go for the scan which involves lying still for an hour.

In trying to look at the bright side of things (cause we all know I excel at that), I am hoping for superpowers due to radiaiton exposure...kinda like the Incredible Hulk, or Spider man or the Fantastic Four....(knowledge obtained through Google, yet again. This time for the good.)

I'll keep you posted!