Carving Time

Take 5 homegrown pumpkins, 2 kids, 2 parents and a bunch of knives and you have a good picture of how we spent our afternoon. This was the first year where we have let the girls go at it with knives themselves. Surprisingly, no blood was shed and fun was had. Hubby, of course, created his latest masterpiece while I helped the girls clean and carve their pumpkins. By the end of it, I had no creative ideas for my own pumpkin. We had one spare pumpkin that the girls wanted to turn into a disco ball. I made some snarky comment to Hubby about also carving rainbows, unicorns and stars into it since he was such an artist.

So, of course he did.

Jerk.

Pumpkins, grown with love

Two goofballs with knives


Our pumpkin family. If you look closely at the pumpkin on the far right, you can see a unicorn!

Theology Mashup

I've been thinking a lot about theology lately. I'm taking two graduate courses for my Master's Degree, meeting some really good folks who are doing crazy things for the Kingdom and reading tons of twitter/blog/facebook articles.

But here is the problem. There is a lot of it floating around out there.

It doesn't help that in 2 weeks I'm going to be standing front of several hundred people speaking about the theology I believe in and how I think it should be playing out in our churches.

Suffice it to say, I am FREAKING OUT about it.

Here's what crossed my desk this week, let me know what you think...

Mark Driscoll: I am not a huge fan of this guy...probably because I'm a woman in leadership. I do appreciate what I understand his heart to be, however this week a Youtube clip went viral with one of his sermons. I wanted to link to it here, but I'm guessing his church yanked it down. Here is the gist of it. (a direct quote):

Some of you, God hates you. Some of you, God is sick of you. God is frustrated with you. God is wearied by you. God has suffered long enough with you. He doesn’t think you’re cute. He doesn’t think it’s funny. He doesn’t think your excuse is “meritous” [the word he's looking for there is "meritorious]. He doesn’t care if you compare yourself to someone worse than you, He hates them too. God hates, right now, personally, objectively hates some of you.

Brene Brown's take on grace:



My personal favorite of the week mostly cause it echoes my heart




A glimpse into Brennan Manning, author of a Ragamuffin Gospel




That's is about 1/100th of what I read/watched this week. I don't know whether to be thankful that there is so much out there or terrified.

My little girl is six!!!

The many faces of Bear
So Cute!

So Crazy!


So Physical!


So Lovely!


This kid makes us laugh all the time. She informed us that there is a "School Bear" and a "Home Bear" and that she is more funny at home...She is full of energy, she is my little buddy in the garden and food canning. She has gained inches this year and is becoming more confident in social situations. She is just like her Dad with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, a friendly soul, but still a Mama's girl for cuddles. She makes our family complete!

Never Forget.

I have refused to watch TV this week. I know that there have been countless shows reflecting/speculating/remembering this date 10 years ago. I know exactly where I was when 'IT' happened. I was in our living room eating breakfast and cradling my belly...I was pregnant for the first time and blissed out. Until I realized what was happening. Then for the next 4 hours I watched as the world as I knew imploded. People falling to their death, reports of more plane crashes and on and on. And I wondered how we could even think of bringing another life into this crazy world.

Within that first day, the media had crowned the World Trade Center as "Ground Zero". For days after we saw footage of the utter devastation of that area. There was no life and no hope. Five years ago I visited Ground Zero with my youth group. A raggedy group of teens and young adults, at 11:30pm in New York stood at Ground Zero and wept. Five years later the site still had the power to turn a group of Canadians into a snotty weepy mess. You never forget Ground Zero.

But for me, Sept 11th brings other memories to the forefront. 10 years ago on this date I was pregnant. We had just told our family and we were so excited! It had been a bit of a journey for us and we felt beyond blessed. 2 weeks later, I had my own Ground Zero. Our baby had died inside me and we only found out through an early ultrasound by accident. I was in the hospital for 2 days for surgery, then home to recover for a week. But really, inside, was Ground Zero...total devastation. I actually don't remember much of the months between Sept 2001 and June 2002. It was like everything that I knew was blown to bits and I didn't even know where to start to pick up the pieces.

In no way am I comparing what happened to me to what happened in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. But what struck me today was the process of rebuilding that has taken place over the 10 years in the USA and in me.

Without a doubt, the events of Sept 2001 have shaped me. Both events rocked me to the core in terms of rethinking what life in this world looks like. What faith looks like. What family means.

But. BUT. I think I've come out stronger. Scarred to be sure, but stronger. I learned how to be with someone in grief. That companionable silence is better than empty words. The need to honour life in its many shapes and forms. The sensitivity never to ask if someone when they are having kids, if they are having more or if they are pregnant. And the general awareness that life is fragile.

September is a remembering kind of month for me. Never Forget.

Packing and Purging

August was a blur of packing and purging. We moved from a space of 2200 sq. feet to maybe 1300 sq. feet. That meant a ton of furniture, toys and various other items needed new homes, including our piano. The girls needed to get rid of 2/3 of their toys and stuffies. That was a fun conversation with Pookie who declared that each of her stuffies were special to her! They did great though and are loving having their own bedrooms. Plus with a big backyard we got them a trampoline. Wow, that may have been the best investment ever...hours of entertainment and activity. Bear definitely loves it more since she is less interested in watching TV and more interested in moving and playing.

As for the purging, it meant some selling, a lot of donating to various charities and some dumping. (I really hated sending some much to the dump, but what else to do?) For me, the purging was the most rewarding. There is a sense of order and more of a balance of daily use stuff and seasonal stuff, with a lot of memory items that I need to sort through. There are still some boxes in storage that I need to go through, but it is strange...I feel less burdened by our belongings than ever before. Quite freeing actually.

The highlight for me in the chaos of moving/cleaning/packing/unpacking, was the chance to give Hubby a hard time for the sheer amount of clothes he has. I'm pretty good with getting rid of clothes if they become worn out, whether I've gained/lost weight or just don't like it. For a guy that wears t-shirts and shorts/jeans to work, and slightly nicer t-shirts and jeans for home, having so many other clothes was ridiculous...plus the fact that as he continues to work at construction, he is getting skinnier, but with huge muscles. Half his clothes can't fit over his shoulders and arms anymore! So out they went and our closet looks good.

Lots of folks ask if we regret our decision...I look around my family and see 2 girls loving their bedrooms, trampoline and living close to their auntie, I see a husband who now feels less of a burden in terms of financially providing for his family and I see a beautiful house space with lots of light. So far, so right.

Blowing the dust off...

Wow this space is looking a little neglected. Sorry about that. Suddenly summer arrived and blogging went out the window.

That plus a few minor changes in our lives...

So, this isn't a catch up blog post, but rather a preview of what's to come.

Blog titles brewing in my head, not necessarily in any order:

Packing and Purging
Moving: The ultimate workout
Unpacking
Body image, what is my problem?
Compost Theology
A book deal? That is ridiculous!
A look toward the Fall
A new family member
Crazy and how I deal with it. A look at the process.

See you soon!

Not so good with the Letting It Go...

It has become glaringly obvious to me that I lack a certain parenting gene. To be clear, I actually lack a lot of parenting genes. I am a schizophrenic parent, loving and kind one minute, a raving lunatic the next. Then I read ACJ's post on God as a parent and realized that God kinda is too...especially in the Old Testament. It must have something to do with the whole Love and Grace thing.

Anyways, the gene I desperately lack is the "Letting it Go" gene. You know, the gene that lets you survey your parenting domain with sereneness, embracing the chaos and beauty around you without batting a eyelash. Lots of my friends have this gene. I asked one good friend who has five kids how she does it and she replied that she doesn't even hear it. Doesn't hear it??? How is that even possible? It is like I'm wired to notice/see/hear EVERYTHING! And once I hear/see/notice it, I can't not engage. (I know, a double negative. Whatever.)

I have noticed this lack of gene in the last months when the girls have suddenly decided that everything the other does is purposely designed to RUIN THEIR LIVES. Like breathing. Or looking. Or existing. I'm pretty sure that the girls' bickering non stop is only slightly less painful to me than taking one of Hubby's power tools and drilling straight into my head. And as someone who can't let go, by the eighth hour of being awake and together with them makes me less than an ideal person to be around.

I think that if I can at least emulate the characteristics of the Letting It Go gene, every one's lives will be much better. Maybe I should go and re-read the Old Testament for a model of how God freaks out, then loves, and lets stuff go. You know, just for kicks and giggles and parenting help.