Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Tweaking the Blog
I love reading. I love reading blogs of friends, of people I wish were friends and just anything random that comes across my screen. On my other blog, Trust my Path, I have 'deep blog links'. People smarter than me in the ways of faith. Here on this blog, I have friends. And that is the best reading ever!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
First week of Advent in review
For the first week of Advent, Nov 29-Dec 6 was the launch of our Advent box and a TV free week. I won't lie, it was a challenge! I realized how much I used it as a 'babysitter' and how intense it is to be totally present to the girls all the time. They did play a lot on their own, but we also did a lot of family stuff. Here are some pictures documenting our time:
#1 - Paint everyone's toenails, even Daddy!
#2 - Build a fort and eat dinner in it
#3 -Play a game together. No picture for this, but we played Bingo and UNO
#4 - Have a play bath. No pictures for obvious reasons, but the girls had a pink bubble bath.
#5 - Make a Christmas craft - Mason Jar Lanterns
#6 - Get our Christmas Tree.
#7 - Bake Cookies...somehow I missed getting a picture of that...
#8 - Have a Christmas Party...again, no pictures but tons of friends and an all around great night.
#9 - Go out for ice cream as an afterschool snack to the local ice cream parlor.
#10 - Make teacher presents. We did start this, but didn't get done.
So there you have it, the first 10 days of Advent!
#1 - Paint everyone's toenails, even Daddy!
#2 - Build a fort and eat dinner in it
#3 -Play a game together. No picture for this, but we played Bingo and UNO
#4 - Have a play bath. No pictures for obvious reasons, but the girls had a pink bubble bath.
#5 - Make a Christmas craft - Mason Jar Lanterns
#6 - Get our Christmas Tree.
#7 - Bake Cookies...somehow I missed getting a picture of that...
#8 - Have a Christmas Party...again, no pictures but tons of friends and an all around great night.
#9 - Go out for ice cream as an afterschool snack to the local ice cream parlor.
#10 - Make teacher presents. We did start this, but didn't get done.
So there you have it, the first 10 days of Advent!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
A confession
They say confession is good for the soul. I hope so, because I still feel sick about it.
Yesterday I lost it on a grand scale. Beyond any shadow of a doubt, my temper was in full form. I was so angry, I could have punched a hole in the wall. (and just about did). Why?
Here it goes...a few months ago my beautiful eldest daughter decided to feed the fish in our fish tank. Instead of taking a pinch of food (like she has done a million times before), she decided to shake the can of food into the tank. The WHOLE can!! Needless to say that despite my frantic efforts to remove the excess food, a ton landed on the bottom of our 20 gallon tank. And because it is a massive effort to clean the tank, I procrastinated until a fish died and the tank was turning green...(read: yesterday)
Since we are having a Christmas Open house on Sunday, I decided that I needed to roll up my sleeves and get'er done. After scooping out a 100 lbs of water, 8 terrified fish and disgusting slimy filters, I was just working on cleaning the actual tank (2 hours later). Pookie asked if she could feed the fish in the bowl. I said sure, because of course she had learned her lesson last time and has again fed the fish properly many times since the incident. She dumped half a can in there! Half a can of food! As I am in my third hour of cleaning the #$#!* tank! That is when I blew sky high. Venom spewed out of my mouth onto my little girl, words of shame and frustration cut her to pieces and then I sent her to her room so that I could try and calm down. Meanwhile Bear is looking at me with trepidation wondering if by her very presence she would incur that same wrath.
Sigh. In that moment I realize the lie that I've been telling myself for years. That I have my temper in check. That the rage that was ever present in my youth is tempered by wisdom and self control. And that familiar sick feeling was back, the feeling of shame and remorse.
Of course Pookie had known instantly what a mistake she had made with the food. I could see it in her eyes when she told me. But it was like I couldn't stop myself.
I called Pookie down as soon as I was cleaned up from the fish slime. She came to me, head drooping and tears in her eyes. I got down on my knees and lifted her eyes to mine...and told her how sorry I was for losing my temper, how wrong I was and asked for her forgiveness and told her that I loved her. And Pookie, ever so much more grace-filled than me forgave me, hugged me and told me that she loved me.
And so we move on from this, but I am scarred...and I am left to wonder how Pookie is scarred.
Is confession good for the soul? Probably. But more importantly this posting will serve as a reminder to be more grace-filled to my girls. To make life to be less about me and more about them. And to remind myself that the beast still lingers in me...
Yesterday I lost it on a grand scale. Beyond any shadow of a doubt, my temper was in full form. I was so angry, I could have punched a hole in the wall. (and just about did). Why?
Here it goes...a few months ago my beautiful eldest daughter decided to feed the fish in our fish tank. Instead of taking a pinch of food (like she has done a million times before), she decided to shake the can of food into the tank. The WHOLE can!! Needless to say that despite my frantic efforts to remove the excess food, a ton landed on the bottom of our 20 gallon tank. And because it is a massive effort to clean the tank, I procrastinated until a fish died and the tank was turning green...(read: yesterday)
Since we are having a Christmas Open house on Sunday, I decided that I needed to roll up my sleeves and get'er done. After scooping out a 100 lbs of water, 8 terrified fish and disgusting slimy filters, I was just working on cleaning the actual tank (2 hours later). Pookie asked if she could feed the fish in the bowl. I said sure, because of course she had learned her lesson last time and has again fed the fish properly many times since the incident. She dumped half a can in there! Half a can of food! As I am in my third hour of cleaning the #$#!* tank! That is when I blew sky high. Venom spewed out of my mouth onto my little girl, words of shame and frustration cut her to pieces and then I sent her to her room so that I could try and calm down. Meanwhile Bear is looking at me with trepidation wondering if by her very presence she would incur that same wrath.
Sigh. In that moment I realize the lie that I've been telling myself for years. That I have my temper in check. That the rage that was ever present in my youth is tempered by wisdom and self control. And that familiar sick feeling was back, the feeling of shame and remorse.
Of course Pookie had known instantly what a mistake she had made with the food. I could see it in her eyes when she told me. But it was like I couldn't stop myself.
I called Pookie down as soon as I was cleaned up from the fish slime. She came to me, head drooping and tears in her eyes. I got down on my knees and lifted her eyes to mine...and told her how sorry I was for losing my temper, how wrong I was and asked for her forgiveness and told her that I loved her. And Pookie, ever so much more grace-filled than me forgave me, hugged me and told me that she loved me.
And so we move on from this, but I am scarred...and I am left to wonder how Pookie is scarred.
Is confession good for the soul? Probably. But more importantly this posting will serve as a reminder to be more grace-filled to my girls. To make life to be less about me and more about them. And to remind myself that the beast still lingers in me...
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