Within that first day, the media had crowned the World Trade Center as "Ground Zero". For days after we saw footage of the utter devastation of that area. There was no life and no hope. Five years ago I visited Ground Zero with my youth group. A raggedy group of teens and young adults, at 11:30pm in New York stood at Ground Zero and wept. Five years later the site still had the power to turn a group of Canadians into a snotty weepy mess. You never forget Ground Zero.
But for me, Sept 11th brings other memories to the forefront. 10 years ago on this date I was pregnant. We had just told our family and we were so excited! It had been a bit of a journey for us and we felt beyond blessed. 2 weeks later, I had my own Ground Zero. Our baby had died inside me and we only found out through an early ultrasound by accident. I was in the hospital for 2 days for surgery, then home to recover for a week. But really, inside, was Ground Zero...total devastation. I actually don't remember much of the months between Sept 2001 and June 2002. It was like everything that I knew was blown to bits and I didn't even know where to start to pick up the pieces.
In no way am I comparing what happened to me to what happened in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. But what struck me today was the process of rebuilding that has taken place over the 10 years in the USA and in me.
Without a doubt, the events of Sept 2001 have shaped me. Both events rocked me to the core in terms of rethinking what life in this world looks like. What faith looks like. What family means.
But. BUT. I think I've come out stronger. Scarred to be sure, but stronger. I learned how to be with someone in grief. That companionable silence is better than empty words. The need to honour life in its many shapes and forms. The sensitivity never to ask if someone when they are having kids, if they are having more or if they are pregnant. And the general awareness that life is fragile.
September is a remembering kind of month for me. Never Forget.
3 comments:
The loss of one is no less of a tragedy than the loss of thousands. In fact, sociologically speaking, it is easier to deal with loss when it happens on a large scale and everyone around you is affected as well.
But when you lose someone, and everything is falling apart for you, but everyone else just keeps on with life--that is a tragedy.
And losing an unborn baby is one of the biggest tragedies of all. Not because it is any more of a tragedy than any other death, but because the loss isn't visible to those around you (and unfortunately to some people, it isn't a big deal), you're even more alone in your tragedy.
My point is that your personal tragedy is no less tragic than the falling of the towers.
"September is a remembering month..."
Yes it is. And it comes to me also as the true new year, when we get to start over. And I like the idea of starting over, starting anew while all the while, remembering.
I am sorry for your own Ground Zero. I'm sorry you had to live such pain, know such grief. It is probably good that we do not get to choose which pain will visit, but the pain itself is somehow inevitable and if you have found your way to hope after meeting despair, then surely you have done all that can be done.
I'm thankful to be in on the journey now, even if I was one of the thoughtless many who said what ought not to be said.
Brandon, I wish I could tell you that it gets easier. It doesn't, not the second time, nor the third time. What is does get is familiar. You become familiar with the path of grief, but also with the path of healing and grace. Know that I walk the path with you both. ACJ, I'm thankful you are on this journey with me too!
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