Now, in NO way was Pookie's friend trying to make her feel bad. I believe that they actually couldn't believe that Pookie hadn't prayed the prayer because Pookie obviously loves God.
But Holy S#@t, did this bring up issues for me! The biggest one is the overwhelming sense of shame that I felt radiating from Pookie. That hurt my heart because I know the love that my child has for God. Before she left for Sunday school I grabbed her and reminded her that I didn't even know about Jesus until I was 14 and that we'd talk about it later. Of course that meant I've mulled over this all day and waited till bedtime to talk to the girls.
So we chatted. I let the girls ask questions about what they saw this morning, how they felt when asked about 'praying the prayer'. And that is when the rubber met the road...the girls were clearly confused about the perceived difference between Loving God as they did and the need to pray THIS ONE prayer.
I am realizing more and more how much the way Hubby and I 'do' faith is counter cultural to mainstream Christian church. I grew up in the family that did not practice any sort of faith, my journey began as a teenager. Consequently I have no baggage from childhood regarding church, but my first few years as a Christian were shaky at best. Like many in the early/mid 90's, I probably 'asked Jesus into my heart' at least a dozen times because my understanding of salvation was tenuous. Hubby grew up in a Christian home and feels that there was no one defining moment where he prayed the prayer, but rather grew in understanding in knowledge within the family unit. We both recognize that we really grabbed hold of our faith in our early 20's, though the years before were formative. So, we've never really had the conversation with the girls around praying a specific prayer. We have tried to live a faith filled life, have good friends and family around us and tried to teach the girls about following Jesus to the best of our ability.
Pookie wanted to have a defining moment and wanted to know the exact words she should pray to ask Jesus into her heart. So we gathered as a family and Hubby helped Pookie with the words and it was beautiful. Bear climbed into my lap and buried her head into my chest. I got her to look at me and asked what was wrong. She looked at me with tears threatening to fall and simply said, "I don't understand why I need to pray this prayer. I love God."
OH MY! I'm still pretty emotional while writing this. I just hugged her and put my hand on her heart and told her that she just needed to know one thing, she loved God and God loved her and that's all that matter. My girls have the purest of love for God, more beautiful than I can ever hope to attain.
So the question is, did I do a disservice to my girls by not using the language or teaching them about praying a specific prayer?
8 comments:
Great post, Nadia. How heart wrenching to see hurt and shame in your girls. But how beautiful to have these conversations where you can see the love both of your girls have for God and have a chance to explain that is not about just "the prayer" but A LIFE.
Not sure I know how to answer your question, especially not in this tiny space on blogger. I was like your hubby and grew up in a Christian home where these values were taught all along the way, but at the same time always longed to have a date to put on my salvation. Not sure exactly why, but partly possibly because of mainstream teaching and Christian culture at the time. I just liked the idea, and was a bit sad I didn't have a Bible with the date stamped in there, since I had to no memory of it.
Oh, I'm rambling and am not sure how to verbalize my thoughts. But glad you posted yours, as it helps me work on how I feel and how I want to communicate this to my children, who are growing up in a similar way that I did. What do I want from them? What do they need for their own relationship with God? How can I teach what the Bible teaches, and counter what the Christian culture does?
Hopefully God will use these hard situations to help our kids grow in their relationship and bring them closer to Him. Praying so for all our kids!!
Nad, your girls are able to watch you and hubbie 'do' faith in your daily lives and that is a huge gift that a lot of children will never have. One way or another, each of us is convicted of our sin and will or will not accept the amazing love God has for us to forgive us our sin. Do we need to say "the prayer"... I don't know... God knows what's in our hearts. A child's love is pure and beautiful. God has given us a huge gift and a huge responsibility. Thanks for sharing.
Honestly? I "prayed the prayer" when I was 6 or so because I was going through a phase where I was scared of death. Praying the prayer was my mother's answer to my terribly natural phase. In my memory it had NOTHING to do with my love of God or my desire to live in any specific way.
That came when I was 21 or so.
***This is a email response I got from a good friend when I called out to her for some wisdom and perspective. Thanks Ro.****
I was really emotional when I read your blog and when I shared with Kristen and Teak what Pookie experienced. The experience of shame is not of Christ. And, the erroneous idea that faith in Christ is some kind of program or plan where we just follow the steps -1,2,3 and you're in is just garbage.
The idea of "praying the prayer" is not a biblical one, though the idea of an immediate and radical conversion is. Look at apostle Paul for example. Conversion means a turning of direction - some are dramatic and some happen more gradually over time.
In the book of Acts, the new followers were told -- repent and be baptized, change the way you live. Monica and I have talked about how children do need to be asked the question, do you choose to follow the way of Jesus instead of the other ways of the world. It's not about praying to ensure they get into heaven, but to put the responsibility for this choice into their hands. Our lives daily ask us for this choice.
A children's ministry leader who has written some excellent work spoke of her response to this question personally. She was asked if she didn't prayer the pray, then how can she point to knowing when she became a Christian. Her reply was that she was born into the Brown family. She didn't know exactly when she became a Brown but that all her life she knew clearly that she identified herself as Brown.
Our lives are meant to be about a journey of belonging, becoming and believing, right? Isn't that somewhere in the CBWC literature?
Erik and I had this same very discussion. We felt like we hadn't maybe done enough so that E. knows what she needs to do to "pray the prayer". I am so glad you wrote this.
Thanks for comments friends. This parenting plus faith gig is hard!
I think this will actually have to be a blog post, but the short, commenty version is this: I am not altogether clear on what the rules are except for the part where there is Grace and Mercy at the end and we're all praising God together. What is meant to happen between then and now is all a bit murky. God bless those who are clear and can unequivocally say that "the only thing that matters is..."
So it is in that state of total faith in mystery, that then I have to parent and respond to two children who will surely live as differently with the Creator as they live with their parents and with their friends... And each will surely require something different from me as a result, no?
I guess it's hard for me to see a fail in providing the moment one daughter asked for and then providing something different to the other when that was asked for. Each of them will have their own God-Story that reflects God's heart back to the world. Listening for what is whispered to them and through them seems like the highest wisdom to me.
Carry on friend. Carry on.
Teaching, talking, love, and honesty...that should never be seen as a disservice. I cried reading this, for so many reasons-for Pookie, for your hurting heart, and for the raw beauty you guys shared during your talk. I think that is what it's all about; no one has the right way to 'do it', nor should anyone ever feel that they fall short of doing it right because of the MAN MADE rules/steps/stages that others insist you must follow to become whatever it is that they want you to become. I feel that what matters is that we listen and talk to Jesus, honestly and earnestly-because when He comes to take us home, it's Him that we answer to-not the people organizing how "Christian" we need to be in order to worship or follow Christ's path.
What we do between Sundays is far more more important than memorizing prayers in order to prove to others that we 'get it' or that we are doing it right, ya know? Anyone can memorize, show up front and center every Sunday, sing, smile, and whatever other idyllic image we can conger up...that's the easy part-we can all talk it if we have to-but you guys walk it too. And if you ask me, that is what it's all about. I really respect/admire/love the way you, hubby, and the girls show your love of Christ just by simply being who you are. You guys are one of the best examples I could ever follow.
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