The odd year

I have many quirks.  I realize that and I embrace it.  I don't like seeing or hearing people eat or chew gum.  Or the sound of nail clipping.  Or bits of stuff in my butter.  But the one quirk that people (read, my family) enjoy bugging me about is my need for evenness.  I don't like uneven things.  For example, I'll eat 2 cookies, not 3, or 4 pieces of candy, not 3 or 5.  Papabear especially loves to take one piece of my treat, just to see me get upset.  When we got married, I casually commented that I didn't like odd years, they just weren't ever good.  Coincidence?  I think not.  Until I had Pookie and Bear in 2003 and 2005, I really hated odd years.  Then I thought the curse of the odd year was broken...until this year.  2007 was not a great year for me.  I won't bore you with details, but it sucked.  So, as I look forward to 2008, I have several prayers and hopes for the new year.

• To develop a good spiritual rhythm for me and my family
• To practice the virtues of patience and grace
• To encourage the youth I work with to become passionate about God
• To work toward a more fit and healthier body
• Read more, TV less.

I think this are attainable things.  I'm not a big fan of "resolutions" cause I am hopeless at keeping them and just set myself up for failure.  So, if you want to keep me accountable...feel free!

Happy New Year!

I knew it!

I knew that I'd start a blog with the best intentions and then never post...as an avid blog reader, I tend to get grumpy when my favorite blogs are not updated. So that makes me a big fat hypocrite! In my defense, unlike the blogs I read, thousands of people are not disappointed when I don't blog.

A quick recap of the fall:

Lice fest 2007 - finally through...we think.
Thanksgiving in Ontario
Death of a beloved grandfather and a return trip to Ontario. (mainly the reason I haven't posted.)
New Job for me!!! More later...
Advent and new family traditions including chopping down our own Christmas tree
Gingerbread house decorating with great friends
Shopping and wrapping
And so much more.

May you also have time to rest and reflect on this Advent season.
Merry Christmas!

A youtube clip every mama should watch!

Got this from a friend...enjoy! (Sorry, I don't know how to upload the video directly)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM

Little moments make life big...

When I first had Pookie, I decided that I would make sure that she knew how much I loved her. So I told her, all the time. I never want a day to go by where I don't tell my girls that I love them. Even if it has been a crappy day and I want to hide from them. It is the last words they hear when they go to bed. (not counting all the times we tell them to 'Go to sleep!')
This afternoon as I was trying to rest on the couch, Bear decided to play around/on me. She had 7 or 8 little people and was talking to them and making up stories. It was so cute and my heart felt so big with love for her that I whispered, "Bear, I love you". She stopped her game and whispered back,"Thank you".
Seriously, it is moments like these that make me feel like the most blessed woman on earth.

3

3 seems to be the number of kids our closest friends are having. We have friends that already have 3 under the age of 4, one who just gave birth to #3 and one who just announced that she is pregnant with #3. We have 2. And, barring a miracle, it will be 2 only. We always thought we'd have 3. Back in the blissful, pre-kid day, we cuddled in bed and talked about what our family would look like...and it pretty much always had 3 kids in the picture. That was before 3 years of trying, lots of tests, drugs and 2 miscarriages. Then came our perfect Pookie! Soon after Pookie's first birthday we thought we should get trying for #2, in case it took another 3 years. But, in between fertility treatments, at Pookie's 18 mth and my 30th birthday, we found out we were expecting Bear. Our au natural baby. We barely had to try...it only took 18 months of unprotected sex. (Unlike our other friends who pretty much just look at each other naked and are pregnant) Then, when Bear was 21 months, the stick turned blue again.(Who needs condoms when your body refuses to get pregnant!?!) #3 was on the way...again sans drugs. And we got excited. Then really scared. Then we started thinking about names. And I felt sick, and swollen and all those other lovely symptoms. But, being the negative thinker that I am, I started pushing for an early ultrasound to make sure that the baby was alright. It wasn't. No heartbeat. Betrayed by my body again. So, surgery and recovery in the midst of a summer camp season on the Sunshine Coast. No more #3 and left with the diagnosis that it probably will happen again if I get pregnant. So, we decided that 2 was great. They are beautiful, smart and healthy. Lots of people can't have 2, let go of the dream of 3.

But here is the thing: I still want 3. Every week I look at the belly of our caregiver who got pregnant about the same time I did. She looks beautiful, she has got the cute little 1st baby belly (cause we all know that the #3 belly is a little...ummm...different) And I think, dammit. I was supposed to have 3.

A sensitive soul

Some people call Bear a wimp, others call her a fraidy cat, and others just call her a mama's girl. I've decided that Bear is a sensitive soul. And I'm OK with that. In fact, the next person who calls her a negative name is going to see the full potential of a Mamabear. The reality of Bear's life is that a lot of things make her nervous: Dogs, cats, pumpkins, strange men, a room full of people, loud unknown noises, Pookie pretending to be a monster, and the list goes on. She doesn't often wander off without me in a strange place or a known place. Bear is easily overwhelmed and needs to be held to be comforted.
The other side of Bear is this: she is a cuddler, loves hugs and kisses, is sensitive to the moods of others and tries to comfort them, loves to smile and laugh, is fearless in climbing, jumping and swinging, falls down and gets back up, loves to touch gently and says I love you all the time.
A friend recently went to a conference where they learned that we are raising a generation of emotionally neutral children. In a world where TV and gaming dominate, researchers are finding that even though we can learn to increase our physical reflexes, we can never increase our emotional reflexes to stimulus. So, in order to compensate for that, we begin to 'flatline' our emotional responses. Making us incapable of showing any real emotional depth. You can see that in abused children or those that commit unspeakable crimes and show no remorse. Is that what we want for our kids?
Not me. I am raising a sensitive soul. And I'm proud of it.

Halloween fun

There are two things that I have always loved about Halloween, candy and carving pumpkins. Anyone that knows my husband and I knows that we are addicted to candy...all sorts of different candy. We are Dutch, raised on chocolate for breakfast and a culture that thinks a sandwich of white bread, lots of butter and brown sugar is perfectly fine. We are the parents that will always have candy in the house, although we try and eat it after the girls go to bed. My point is, and I do have one, is this....My kids are NOT going to be those kids who never eat sugar. They are not going to be those kids who at church potlucks or birthday parties are frantically stuffing their pockets full of candy because they are deprived at home. Nope, my kids are going to be the discerning type, who know what kind of candy they want and just take a couple because it is no big deal. Bear actually loves the idea of candy, but never eats it all. Pookie, however, is showing signs of her heritage and a love of the sweet. The second thing I love about Halloween are pumpkins. I love carving pumpkins. When I was younger, I used to doodle different pumpkin faces at school. I would agonize over which face I was going to commit too. Then the search for the perfect pumpkin began. So this year, I decide to share my love of pumpkins with my daughters. Out of the 3 pumpkins we picked from the patch, 2 were rotten. Bad pumpkin season on the Wet Coast! Pookie and I drew a couple of faces and settled on a traditional 2 triangle eyes, triangle nose and a big smile with 2 square teeth. I went outside to get the pumpkin, and that is when the drama began...

Bear had a traumatic experience at the pumpkin patch this year. She was terrified of the pumpkin and corn people dancing around the patch. She screamed the whole time we were there and would not let go of me. It was so bad that we had to go to McD for the rest of her birthday celebration. Apparently, a real pumpkin was just as scary for Bear and she began crying when we brought the pumpkin in the house. I comforted her (like any good mama) and she calmed down...only to completely freak out when I drew the face on. Pookie was dancing with excitement and Bear was climbing the walls in fear. The ultimate Mama dilemma, disappoint Pookie by not carving the pumpkin or have a crying Bear for the day? I looked at Pookie and I looked at Bear...then I picked up the knife and began carving, praying that Bear's therapy would not bankrupt us! Amidst Bear's freaking out, Pookie and I gleefully pulled out pumpkin guts, carved our happy face and found a candle to light it up. Pookie ran around the house to get in dark and I struck the match and suddenly found Bear scrambling up my leg, a quivering mass of fear. We couldn't get Bear to calm down, so the pumpkin was banished to our balcony, facing the other way so Bear couldn't see it. Maybe next year, we'll actually get to see our pumpkin face!



***I must admit, my very favorite thing to do is trick or treat with toddlers/preschoolers. I am convinced that they are the cutest! We went with 4 other families and we had 10 kids all dressed up as various animals. Pookie and Bear were a unicorn and giraffe, we had 2 zebras, 3 lions, a cow, tiger and a little chicken and kitty. So great. Plus, people really like seeing little ones at their door, I swear that they just dumped the bowl into the kids' bags. Quite a stash for mom and dad..I mean, for the girls****

Egg on my face

This past Saturday, we did the unthinkable. We double booked ourselves at two events across town from each other. With two toddlers. Actually, we were double booked beyond our control. We had an BBQ for Papabear's current job and a dessert night for our former ministry job. So, at 5pm, we were at a westside house, having a pool party and BBQ. It was great to reconnect with the summer staff and enjoy a meal together, but 6:45pm came really fast and we jumped into the van to head back to the eastside for our dessert night. Papabear got a work call on his cell as we began the trip, so I was driving, he was talking and the girls were safely strapped into their car seats, playing. So we thought. I vaguely heard Pookie saying something about Bear and a egg, but just dismissed it as random talking. She said it again and I again thought she was talking about a toy egg. Then Pookie yelled, "She is squishing the eggs!". I flipped on the interior lights to see a grinning Bear with an egg in each hand, crushing the oh so real egg to bits. In her car seat. All over herself. Why did I have real eggs in the car? It's a good question. The simple answer is that I'm a youth pastor and often random things are left in my van with0ut me realizing it. The eggs had been left on the floor of the van in a basket. Pookie had snagged the basket with her toes and pulled it up to the seat between the car seats. Bear grabbed the carton of eggs and proceeded to test the durability of eggshells. Papabear is still talking to work, despite my death glares at him, so I pulled over and grabbed as many wipes to clean up Bear. Pookie was laughing like a maniac, saying "I told you she had eggs!!"



The thing is, I really couldn't get mad at either of them. Pookie had told me that Bear had eggs, I just didn't believe her. And Bear? It was just the thing a two year old would do. Plus, what kind of mama leaves eggs in her van for curious kids to play with?



We made it to our dessert night a little late (and eggy). We enjoyed seeing how the ministry we helped start 10 years ago, is doing now, and we had some great dessert. Toddlers and all.

Introducing Pookie and Bear

Pookie is my firstborn. The one I practise on. In the early years, everyone said she looked like her dad, except for the fact that she has dark eyes and hair like me. She is goreous! Of course, now anyone who looks at Bear realizes that she is a mini-daddy and Pookie looks just like me. Whatever.



Pookie is 4. However, she can instantly rewind to 2 (complete with temper tantrums) or fast forward to 14 (complete with eye rolling and "Whatever Mom!") Pookie loves Dora and Disney Princesses, beautiful dresses and doing her hair. Pookie is the perfect example of nature vs nurture. I don't think I ever played with dolls, care less about my hair (to this day) and don't like to wear dresses. However, Pookie is all girl. And it's pretty cool. Pookie is an extrovert like PapaBear. If she stays at home with us too long, it's never pretty. The best thing is to get her out in a crowd. She is an angel in public and a terror at home. And I'm pretty sure she is addicted to TV. All that said, Pookie is a great mix of fire and ice, she is too smart for us and I think she knows it!



Bear is our second born, she just turned 2. She has a crazy mass of curls and striking green eyes that she gets from her grandmothers. People literally stop to comment on her hair constantly. It is pretty entertaining since PapaBear shaves his head bald and I have short black hair. Bear is our touchy feeling kid. She is also a complete introvert like her mamabear. Touch is the one thing that grounds Bear and makes her able to handle everything. She has got her daddy's grin, which she flashes all the time to get her out of trouble. She is at a fun age where everything is exciting.



Pookie and Bear are pretty cool. They can drive each other crazy and then turn around and play like angels. Papabear and I are positive that we are in a world of trouble in a few years. Life with these two will never be boring.

Why blog???

I've debated for quite a while whether or not to blog. I wondered at my motivation...to vent? to amuse? to entertain? to be cool? Ultimately to came down to this: I think it would be fun. If folks read it, great. If not, that's fine too. So here I go.

I'm a 30 something mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister and pastor. For the most part, I'm spending the bulk of my time with my two daughters, Pookie and Bear. They are four and two. And yes, I am using pseudonyms. And yes, they are weird. And no, I don't care. I may or may not post pictures of them, they are awfully cute. However, I do think not everyone needs to know their names. The Internet is fun and amusing, but also dark and scary and I don't want to suddenly find my kids' pictures somewhere else. (anyone else read about the Flickr stealing thing?) Anyways...

This blog is really for my thoughts and ramblings on motherhood. I'm sure at times you will wonder if I actually do like being a mother. (for the record, yes i do.) I love my kids fiercely, but they can also drive me straight to CrazyTown!

In the end, I'm just making it up as I go along!