Today
Pookie had a birthday party that she was invited too. The party was 1 1/2 hours long and at a park, so Bear and I decided to stay as well. About 20 minutes into the party I saw Pookie literally and physically excluded from the group of girls there.
And at that exact second, I felt my heart crack.
It only took the dynamic of 2 girls to ruin the party for my girl. And this is the exact reason I did not want to have daughters...because girls are mean. There were other girls and boys there, kids that were kind in their own ways. But the blow had been struck and my girl was wounded and unable to figure out how to work past it. So Bear and I participated and made our own family team to play the game. And encouraged Pookie to try again. And cheered her on from the sidelines. And made sure she knew that she was loved.
Tonight
And tonight I will tell my beloved eldest daughter a secret...the secret of why I am such a good reader.
It is because I know this path of having trouble making friends. And knowing how to enter into a group and feeling welcomed.
So I read. And got faster and faster. To stave off the loneliness and being unwilling to keep trying, I devoured books. I hid behind them. And grew a deep love of reading, learning and discovering.
However, I will also tell my daughter the secret weapons she has that I didn't have...
A parent who gets it. A God who loves her. And a huge extended group of family and friends that love her for who she is and not for who she isn't.
And I will keep praying for that one good friend at school that my Pookie so desperately wants, deserves and needs.
4 comments:
SO difficult! :(
you're teaching her good things...
I, too, know how this feels, and I'll be praying alongside you for a good friend. It really only takes one.
My stomach hurts, just reading that story. There's the real and present pain of that moment that I think every person I like has experienced at some point - it is so awful, and parental math just multiplies that pain for her mum watching it.
And then there's the existential, eternal pain, that we are all just so damned lonely so often. As a person of faith, I think I mostly believe that that feeling of being on the outside that haunts us so much is exactly what draws us to the Father. The Father who not only wants us, but has been looking all over for us. For me. For you. For Pookie. We're that sheep that he up and leaves the other 99 cool, included ones for.
Most days I would trade being included by real wine sharing, party-throwing cool people in the here and now cause that Jesus is awfully hard to show off at a dinner party. Or birthday party in the park.
But I like knowing he's searching me out, looking for me. And that you're telling your sweet girl that he's on the hunt for her too.
I pray the same prayer for my daughter. We love Kiara for all the wonderful things that she is... and her mom is one of my best friends. T.
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