Tweaking the Blog

I love reading. I love reading blogs of friends, of people I wish were friends and just anything random that comes across my screen. On my other blog, Trust my Path, I have 'deep blog links'. People smarter than me in the ways of faith. Here on this blog, I have friends. And that is the best reading ever!

First week of Advent in review

For the first week of Advent, Nov 29-Dec 6 was the launch of our Advent box and a TV free week. I won't lie, it was a challenge! I realized how much I used it as a 'babysitter' and how intense it is to be totally present to the girls all the time. They did play a lot on their own, but we also did a lot of family stuff. Here are some pictures documenting our time:

#1 - Paint everyone's toenails, even Daddy!


#2 - Build a fort and eat dinner in it



#3 -Play a game together. No picture for this, but we played Bingo and UNO

#4 - Have a play bath. No pictures for obvious reasons, but the girls had a pink bubble bath.

#5 - Make a Christmas craft - Mason Jar Lanterns



#6 - Get our Christmas Tree.


#7 - Bake Cookies...somehow I missed getting a picture of that...
#8 - Have a Christmas Party...again, no pictures but tons of friends and an all around great night.
#9 - Go out for ice cream as an afterschool snack to the local ice cream parlor.
#10 - Make teacher presents. We did start this, but didn't get done.

So there you have it, the first 10 days of Advent!

A confession

They say confession is good for the soul. I hope so, because I still feel sick about it.

Yesterday I lost it on a grand scale. Beyond any shadow of a doubt, my temper was in full form. I was so angry, I could have punched a hole in the wall. (and just about did). Why?

Here it goes...a few months ago my beautiful eldest daughter decided to feed the fish in our fish tank. Instead of taking a pinch of food (like she has done a million times before), she decided to shake the can of food into the tank. The WHOLE can!! Needless to say that despite my frantic efforts to remove the excess food, a ton landed on the bottom of our 20 gallon tank. And because it is a massive effort to clean the tank, I procrastinated until a fish died and the tank was turning green...(read: yesterday)
Since we are having a Christmas Open house on Sunday, I decided that I needed to roll up my sleeves and get'er done. After scooping out a 100 lbs of water, 8 terrified fish and disgusting slimy filters, I was just working on cleaning the actual tank (2 hours later). Pookie asked if she could feed the fish in the bowl. I said sure, because of course she had learned her lesson last time and has again fed the fish properly many times since the incident. She dumped half a can in there! Half a can of food! As I am in my third hour of cleaning the #$#!* tank! That is when I blew sky high. Venom spewed out of my mouth onto my little girl, words of shame and frustration cut her to pieces and then I sent her to her room so that I could try and calm down. Meanwhile Bear is looking at me with trepidation wondering if by her very presence she would incur that same wrath.

Sigh. In that moment I realize the lie that I've been telling myself for years. That I have my temper in check. That the rage that was ever present in my youth is tempered by wisdom and self control. And that familiar sick feeling was back, the feeling of shame and remorse.

Of course Pookie had known instantly what a mistake she had made with the food. I could see it in her eyes when she told me. But it was like I couldn't stop myself.

I called Pookie down as soon as I was cleaned up from the fish slime. She came to me, head drooping and tears in her eyes. I got down on my knees and lifted her eyes to mine...and told her how sorry I was for losing my temper, how wrong I was and asked for her forgiveness and told her that I loved her. And Pookie, ever so much more grace-filled than me forgave me, hugged me and told me that she loved me.

And so we move on from this, but I am scarred...and I am left to wonder how Pookie is scarred.

Is confession good for the soul? Probably. But more importantly this posting will serve as a reminder to be more grace-filled to my girls. To make life to be less about me and more about them. And to remind myself that the beast still lingers in me...

Advent is a'coming!

I didn't grow up in a home that celebrated Advent or Christmas as Jesus' birthday. I think sometimes that drives me to find traditions for my little family that will be both memorable and Christ filled. I have been doing the Advent candles with the girls for the past few years, but this year I wanted to do something a bit more. Then a friend blogged about an idea and I think I'm going to do it.

The Advent Activity Calendar from the Kiddley archives gives lots of ideas of what to do.

What would you add to the list?

The Parenting Paradox

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I am not really maternal. I love my kids, really! I would give up anything for them, lay down my life for them...but sometimes I need a break from them. I enjoy quiet, reading, music..and the cool thing is that they are getting to that age where they do too! And they can play for chunks of time on their own or together. It is a thing of beauty.

Having said all that, I often feel like I'm bumbling my way through this mother gig. I like dropping off my kids at school and picking them up when they are done. I don't want to be at the school "helping" with everything...reading class, special events etc. I want to go drink coffee and hear about their day when they get home. Not be in class with them, or peeking in the window to make sure they eat snack and lunch or that they have friends to play with. (another post on that later). I don't mind if they run out our back gate to the park a couple of minutes before I do. But let me tell you that other parents do! I can see them eyeing my kids and looking around wondering who the delinquent parent is that let them go by themselves. How dare I!??!!

A few months ago I read an article of a mother who was arrested for child endangerment. Her crime? Letting her 10 year son walk 2 blocks to the park for his baseball game unattended! She had given him a cell phone to call home when he arrived at the park and she was actually heading there herself in a few minutes. But other parents called the police when they saw him walking down the street by himself! The mother was vilified in the neighbourhood for allowing her son to do what she did when she was a kid! (minus the cell phone of course).

In June I was pulled over by the police due to a mistake made by ICBC. Apparently they had cancelled my license. However, they had never contacted me about it, so for 3 months I'd been driving with a cancelled license. In 5 minutes there were 3 police cars surrounded my van on a main street of my little town. I was accused of endangering my children (who were in the van with me) and threatened with arrest and the removal of my girls. Hubby was at work and so in tears I called a friend who lived around the corner. He came and talked with the police, quite angry with the way they were handling it. (Jay is a calm man, so this was quite something!). Eventually, the girls went with Jay and we got stuff sorted out. But I couldn't help thinking that I couldn't be the worst mom in the town. Certainly not worthy of 3 cops and an obvious case of paperwork gone awry.

That is why I feel both convicted and freed by this article in Time Magazine. Read it. Tell me what YOU think.

I think Winter is here...

We are having crazy weather 'round these parts. On our 7 min. walk to school yesterday it was sunny, rainy and a fierce hail storm. So fierce I had to unbutton my coat to shield the girls from its force. Luckily the girls school has hand dryers so they stood under those until they got 'less wet'.

In other random news, I've started a new blog chronicling my faith journey/thoughts/musings/ponderings. www.trustmypath.blogspot.com

I hope it will become a place where I regain some spiritual discipline and where friends will enter into the discussion with me.

Ummm...Hello November!

I'm sure that October passed by in the blink of an eye. Let's review shall we?

Sickness was a dominant theme in our household. Hubby was the weak link that brought in it and it systematically took down Pookie, Bear and then myself. All of us, except for Pookie still have some form of sickness.

Surprise trip to Disneyland over Bear's birthday was a definite highlight of October and possibly our life as a little family. We did the whole princess dinner, 5 days at the park and a trip to the San Diego zoo. It was our first ever 'just us' family vacation and it was amazing. The girls were troopers, patiently waiting 1 1/2 hours to see the princesses...I could go on, but the girls tell the stories so much better. Suffice it to say, they were the perfect age for the magic of Disney. To see their excitement at meeting all the princesses and the wonder of It's a small World...I'm so thankful we did it.

The classic Disney picture!

We had Bear's 4th birthday when we got back and a visit from Hubby's Mom...it was great to spend a week together!

My baby girl..who is not so much a baby anymore!

Halloween was right after my M-I-L left. We dressed up as a farmer family for our church event, Hubby was a scarecrow, I was a farm girl, Pookie a cowgirl and Bear a donkey (her choice and so cute!)

Crazy family!

Phew...that was October....that was exhausting!

Birthday parties are the bane of my existence!

This week Pookie got invited to a birthday party of a girl from her former school. A girl that alternately was Pookie's good friend or tormentor. I debated all week about whether Pookie should go or not. Ultimately I left it up to Pookie and she wanted to go. After fighting about what kind of present to get this girl, I brought her to the party. The theme was a Make-up Party and the music blasting was Lady Gaga...not so age appropriate I thought. But, I left her there, praying that she would have fun.

Here is what I returned too:






Suffice it to say, she had a great time and I was horrified!

The Apple Barn

The Apple Barn


This weekend I decided to take the girls plus a couple of friends to an U-pick apple orchard. Hubby got the day off randomly, so he came along at the last minute which was a bonus! The farm had a petting barn, bee hives, a jumping pillow/trampoline, pumpkin patch, a store with lots of goodies and acres and acres of apple trees. We had a great time playing and the kids each filled a 5 lb bag full of apples. There is just something good about picking your own food! Tonight I made apple pie with some of those fresh apples and tomorrow starts the canning of applesauce.

The kids posing on 'Tow-mater'


This is how Pookie poses every. single. time. a camera is on her!


The Bear



The Hay Ride

Biggest Loser

Today marks the first day of competition of my homegrown Biggest Loser competition. A group of ladies are competing for 16 weeks to lose weight, and develop good exercise habits. We have a private blog where we document our journey including before pictures... I'm looking forward to it, but kinda nervous too. I'll keep you posted!

1st full day of school

Both my babies were at school today. Pookie for the whole day and Bear for the morning. It was pouring rain and kinda suited my mood. Although I've joked about longing for freedom for myself, the reality is that it is heartbreaking to send your babies to school! Here are a couple of shots from today. Please excuse the first one since I forgot that the camera was on manual and they were both embarrassed that I was taking a picture IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!



Pookie at her desk at the front of the class...



Bear at the sand table at preschool...



The other side effect of having kids at school was the overwhelming urge to pray for them constantly..especially for Pookie as she navigates this new world of all day school. I am not a prayerful person by nature, but this may very well turn me into a woman of prayer! Ahh, school...such a mixed bag of blessings!

Back to school haircuts

Before...




After...


I asked for a simple bob hair cut for both of them. Pookie ended up having a sophiscated bob and Bear got the simple 2 inch trim. Not sure how this happened, but they both look super cute! Pookie just looks...grown up.

I'm not ready to send her to all day school...

Adventures in tomato sauce making

Since my garden is exploding with tomatoes, I thought I'd try my hand at making & freezing tomato sauce. Again, another attempt at food blogging...

The bounty from the garden


Boiling and blanching to get rid of the skins




Endless chopping and seeding


Adding garlic and basil from the garden


Cooking and reducing


The end result


One little container of sauce! So, lessons learned from my adventure in tomato sauce making:
1. Use Roma or another kind of tomato that has no seeds and lots of flesh. The bright red juicy goodness kind of tomatoes I grew are useless for sauce.
2. Do it with a friend. It is labour intensive, much better with chatting and laughter
3. Remember to savour this one little lovely container in the dead of winter when we are all eating Californian tasteless tomatoes!

The end.

PS. At least my house smelt lovely all afternoon!

More pictures!

11 years ago...

11 years ago two young kids bumbled their way through their vows of love to say 'I Do'.
He had more hair, She had less.
They both sported a leaner look about them...Him especially!
They had little, now they have much.
They were kids, now they have kids.

Much has changed in 11 years and it is beautiful! I am a blessed woman to have Hubby....in so many ways. He understands me, he supports me, he loves me and the girls so much...

In honor of the 11 years, we had some good friends do a little photo shoot for us to try and capture us as a family and us as a couple. Here are some of the shots from last night!

Our Family





Me & Hubby



Our beautiful girls...please also notice the new sidebar picture!

Chasing the money. . .

Hubby and I are blessed, for sure. We have 2 beautiful daughters, a roof over our heads, food in the pantry and good friends and family. We even have jobs we enjoy. But here is the kicker, not once in our almost 11 year marriage have we been "ahead" in the money game.

For the first 7 years of our marriage we were missionaries, dependant on the generosity of family, friends and churches. Then we did various ministry jobs that we LOVED, but paid...ummm...not so well...This past spring we were starting to get ahead, slowly but surely. Mostly on the back of Hubby who is amazing and doing lots. Then last Thursday I got half my work hours taken away due to recession/budget cuts at my work. We are so thankful that I still have work, but now are faced with re-thinking what I should do in terms of finding more work or not.

As I write this, there is a slim possibility that a friend of a friend will want to buy our apartment in Vancouver. And another slim chance that I will apply and get a job that would be full time and pretty good paying...But here is the thing. Every single time Hubby and I have 'chased the money' the door has been slammed shut. And furniture piled against it, so that we know that it is not opening.

So, here I sit, trying to hold both the job and apartment in open hands so that God can work in me/us and through me/us. But every so often I am tempted to curl my fingers around these things and try to manipulate it or own it or control it or dream about it.

Ahhh...this must be one of those wait on God things that I'm so horrible at....

(edited to note: just got the email back from the potential buyer, and it is a no go)

Me and my Cowgirl

Bear was invited to a birthday party for her friends, A & O, twin girls. The party was held at the girls' grandparents farm with a cowgirl/boy theme. We panned for gold, lassoed a pony, shot pop cans, pinned the tail on a donkey and went on a hay ride. It was a great time to see Bear interact with all the kids and to go to a party just with her.

My beautiful cowgirl



Lassoing her pony



On the hay ride



Wow, I love that girl!

Overheard in a coffeeshop

Strangers: Hello little girl. How old are you?
Kid:
Mom of Kid: She is six, isn't she tall for her age?
Strangers: Yes, and so beautiful. All ready for first grade?
Kid:
Mom of Kid: Oh yes! She is so smart.
Strangers: What is one plus one?
Kid:
Mom of Kid: Come on honey, one plus one...you can do it...she just told me this last week....OK, how about you show your eyebrow trick!
Strangers: Eyebrow trick?
Kid:
Mom of Kid: Honey, show your trick...please...she must be tired..(it's 10 am)

At this point I actually just needed to get out of the coffeeshop. It was both amusing and sad to see the mom force her kid to interact. The worst part is that at the end, it was like the mom was getting her daughter to perform like a puppy...and making excuses and bragging...it was a trainwreck.

I want my kids to be polite, and I insist on manners and answering people when they ask you questions or say hello. But I draw the line at forcing them into situations where they are clearly uncomfortable. It goes without saying that Bear struggles with this, but even Pookie has her moments where she is shy. I don't force my kids to hug and kiss people (family excluded of course) and I'm pretty sure that I don't make my kids perform tricks....feel free to correct me on this...

I just felt bad for the kid...

Picture of the week.

Not sure if the 'ones' of readers noticed a nifty new addition to my blog...Picture of the week. I love taking pictures, especially of the girls. As I carve out time to learn more about my camera and all its fun features, I put that addition up to motivate me to get at least one good shot a week. Plus, I don't have any photo editing software, so my shots are what they are. Saskatchewan was a fun place to get some pictures, so that is what will be featured for the next little while.

Of course, any good girl shots will make the cut too!

Conversations with a 3 3/4 year old

Bear: Auntie, when are you going to have kids?

Auntie S: When I find a good husband.

Bear: Just pretend he is dead and have kids anyway!

Auntie S: I never thought of that...

Amazing

This morning my beautiful daughters woke up before 7 am. However, they have been happily playing in their bedroom since then! 2 hours and counting!

It is a whole new world....

The dreaded dinner conversation

Tonight I was quite proud of myself. Almost everything we were eating came straight out of my garden, fresh nugget potatoes, peas and carrots...the only thing we added that wasn't all that local was farmer sausage. (we did have fresh caught local salmon in the freezer, but Pookie hates it!)

As we were eating, we were talking about how great it was that we were eating food that we had grown. Pookie asked where the sausage was grown. I have been able to avoid this conversation for a long time, and despite my attempts at diversion, Pookie wanted to know. Now, Pookie is not a great meat eater to begin with, so I REALLY was NOT looking forward to explaining that we are eating animals that she has seen at a farm.

So, I told her that meat came from different animals. She asked if it just got cut off them. I said, kinda, but they are dead when the meat is cut from them, otherwise it would hurt. I reminded her that she loves eating chicken nuggets, which, you know...comes from chickens. Dead ones? Pookie asks. Yep...and then the silence as Pookie assesses her dinner. I am literally holding my breath thinking that it is all over and I'm going to need to start figuring out how to make beans taste good so that Pookie will have protein in her life when....she scoops up a big chunk of sausage and then asks for seconds and thirds.

Disaster averted. I think. Bear had been watching this whole process/conversation and refused to finish her sausage. I am hoping it is more due to the spicy nature of the sausage rather than the whole meat issue....

Day 3, 4 & 5 of Heat Wave

Day 3

• Woke up sweating
• Went to garden and picked a pound of green beans and 3 zucchini
• Went raspberry picking, blueberry buying and milkshake drinking at a local farm
• Came home and hid in house for 5 hours
• Made raspberry jam and blueberry lemon tarts
• Played with our 'vanilla' friends
• Made a picnic dinner and drove 30 mins to a water park

Day 4

• Woke up at 6am for a 7am breakfast meeting
• Hung out at former ministry for 3 hours chatting
• Decided to go for a 15 min oil change
• Spent over an hour at oil place
• Waited in traffic in 40 degree heat due to a stall in tunnel
• Jumped illegally into another lane, went to Tim Hortons to avoid traffic jam
• Armed with an iced coffee, still took almost an hour for a normal 10 min commute
• Came home and showered and went and got the girls from their grandparents
• Baked an apple pie
• Went for dinner to celebrate Vanilla Daddy's 37th
  
• Came home to 8 kids and 2 babysitters, served dessert and coffee

Day 5

• Caught a cold...and a bunch of other things!

Honestly, who catches a cold in a heat wave??!!??

Favorite people

These are some of our favorite people to hang out with....

Pookie & Lukas


Bear & Mikah


The whole gang...otherwise known as Chocolate & Vanilla

Summer time fun!

It is reaching temperatures so high around here that we barely know what to do with ourselves. Hubby and I were debating all sorts of activities to entertain the girls until they heard the neighbour kids playing outside. Off they went, pre-lunchtime and happily played whatever, wherever...Then as I pulled them inside for lunch, I rashly promised sprinkler time and all kids could join in.

So, now my kids are running through 2 different sprinklers in the backyard (otherwise known as the park), playing super girl with their towels and eating cherries and grapes with their friends.

I'm not quite sure what I was worried about....no pictures though, I don't post other kids on here unless I have permission!

One of the worst comments for a mother to hear...

I've been in Saskatchewan for 6 days and I have 3 more to go. I've tried to call and talk to the girls everyday. Today I called and Bear came to the phone and said,
"I forget what you look like." and then she hung up.

I feel pretty shitty right now.

My beautiful Pookie is 6 today!

Dear Pookie,

Today you are six years old. I'd thought I'd reflect on how these six years have formed both of us....

2003: You announced your impending arrival at 3 am.
2009: You still rise at the crack of dawn, despite my threats and pleas to sleep in.

2003: You came out with a head of dark wavy hair
2009: You have probably cut off more hair than most kids your age have been able to grow! It is thick,dark with blond highlights with a touch of wave. You hate getting it brushed or cut.

2003: I changed your bum multiple times a day...and you were constipated.
2009: You take care of your own bathroom business...and you are still constipated.

2003: I dressed you in whatever I wanted.
2009: You dress yourself and me sometimes.

2003: You babbled, I encouraged it and I thought it was wonderful.
2009: You talk nonstop, and though I often ask you to be quiet, I mostly think it is wonderful.

2003: You were an only child.
2009: You are a great big sister to Bear.

2003: You were a baby
2009: You love babies. You have a nurturing heart and a kind spirit.

2003: You came out heavy, tall and with a big head.
2009: You are skinny, tall and still have a big head (but you've grown into it!)

2003: You were perfect and beautiful and I instantly fell in love with you.
2009: You are perfect and beautiful and I love you more than you can imagine!

Love your MamaBear.

Garden bounty

Good eats from my garden away from home...butter lettuce, carrots and peas. I love eating from my garden!



Pookie & Bear doing their best rabbit impression!

Strawberry Season

One of the perks of living in our village is the abundance of local produce. There is a huge number of berry farms within a 5 min. drive as well as tons of fresh veggies. Due to the super hot June we had, strawberries came early and went fast. Yesterday the girls and I bought some of the last flats of strawberries available. We love our smoothies in the winter, so I wanted to stock up on freezing bags and bags full and thought I'd try making jam. So, I tried two different methods. The first was a Dr. Oetker method which involved cooking the jam and adding the pectin, but instead of boiling the jars in a canner I just flipped the jars with the hot jam instead. This sealed the rings without cooking! It will keep for 3 months in a cupboard and for 6 weeks after it is opened. The second method was a No Cook, Low Sugar Freezer Jam. Just chopped the strawberries, gave them a little mashing, added sugar and package, let sit then into the jars and into the freezer. Good in freezer for a year. We tried some jam and it was good! The better part was how it smelled, like just picked strawberries!

Chopped and Mashed...


Jars awaitin'


Finished product!