Song of the day...'Keep breathing'

The storm is coming but I don't mind
People are dying, I close my blinds

All that I know is I'm breathing now

I want to change the world
Instead I sleep
I want to believe in more than you and me

But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

All that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

{Ingrid Michaelson}

How does your garden grow???

Yesterday I had the first salad greens from my garden and today I staked 18 hills of potatoes that are just starting to poke through, planted purple carrots and red and white radishes...

It is ridiculous how happy that makes me...

{first buds of snap peas}

Pookie's Walk a thon

Today my darling dramatic daughter participated in her school walk a thon. 10 km. Too be fair to Pookie, that IS far. However, her legs didn't fall off, she didn't faint, or get dirty. All things she was C.O.N.V.I.N.C.E.D. was going to happen. I also heard from one of the parents, who organized the walk a thon, that the tarps and burlap sacks on the various activities were placed there specifically for my daughter.( This was after the walk a thon had ended) Apparently Pookie told this mother, the day before, that she was NOT crawling in the dirt and that she would dress in white to make sure that didn't happen. Oh child of mine....

My Food Theology

In the past year I've been doing a lot of reading, writing, watching, gardening, baking, canning and general experiments around food. Some have worked, others not so much. However in watching Food Inc, my thoughts are beginning to form more concretely; let's call it my Food Theology.

First off, I will never be a 100 mile food diet person, I love coffee, sugar and rice too much.
I am not a strong believer in buying all organic, mostly because I'm not overly convinced.

What I do think:
It is important to support local growers. Farmers' markets, roadside vendors and local growers are all great places to shop.
Buy in season as much as possible.
Learn how to preserve food in such a way that you can enjoy it when it is not in season.
Whenever possible, try and grow food yourself.
Cooking with my kids is a good thing. I need to relax about it.
There is much that is wrapped in food and faith.
We need to eat less meat. And the meat we eat should be of the free range sort.
Making food from scratch is fun.
Share the excess.
It is important to know where your food comes from and how it is produced.

I know that I'm personally moving away from processed, out of season food. I would be reasonable in terms of allowing spices, sugar, flour, coffee and rice...and I probably would leave chips in there, cause I love 'em...And I also wouldn't enforce this on my family. But as I get better at growing and making food, I'm hoping my family will prefer it over processed.

What do you think about food?

Conversations with a 4 1/2 year old

A theological discussion about rain....

Bear: Mom, why does it rain?
Me: Hmmm...what do you think?
Bear: I think it is God spitting on us.
Me: Spitting on us? That's kinda gross.
Bear: Yeah...maybe He is crying.
Me: What do you think He is crying about?
Bear: This world.
Me: Yeah...
Bear: No, actually I think God is drooling.
Me: Drooling??!!?? (Laughing)
Bear: Yep. Drooling. Can I have an apple?

***I love this kid****

Cinderella Bigfoot

On Friday Pookie's class did the chapel service at their school. They chose a fairytale theme and told the story of Cinderella Bigfoot. Pookie was one of the step sisters, Weeny. So cute!

Reading her lines


My beautiful girl

My Lucky Day

Today the girls and I went to a local school's Spring Fair. We mainly went because Hubby was working there all day and I needed to do something with my lovely children. So we played games and did crafts, looked at jewelery and garage sale stuff, ate hot dogs and cotton candy...But the end of it I still have 8 tickets left, so I decided to check out the basket raffles. They were some of the most amazing baskets I've ever seen. There were about 25 of them, all worth $100+. I chose 4 different baskets and won the Cupcake for kids basket.

It has a cupcake tree stand, a cake/cupcake carrier, lots of mixes and decorations and a fun pink basket that will be great for days at the beach. Not bad for $2.

I think I should buy me a lotto ticket...

Family Pizza Night

Tonight we made homemade pizza with our family and good family friends. I tried two recipes, one with my bread maker and one by hand. Both turned out OK, but if I was just doing it for my family I'd probably cheat and use the bread maker.

We had salami, roasted chicken, bacon, red onions and colored peppers...it was great. Our friend Chanelle took care of the bacon and caramelized onions, while Julie graciously listened to the wild and wacky stories from the girls. Everyone created their masterpiece and ate until they burst...then we had some homemade ice cream.

My indoctrination of my family continues....making dinner + friends = awesome time...So what if it takes longer???? Made from scratch food is just more fun. Too bad we ran out of time to try and make our own mozzarella cheese. Another time!

Reading list

I like to read. A lot. Here is a few books that I've read in the last month. (click on the name if you want to see more information)

The Gargoyle

Kafka on the shore

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo **Totally crazy, but I couldn't watch the movie.

Fantasy in Death

Follow me to Freedom

The Last Empress

Forgotten God

The Golden Mean

I think there were a couple of others, but I can't remember right now....

The mysterious fever

Pookie has been having a mysterious fever that appears and disappears at will. It leaves her alternately lethargic and energetic. There is no rhythm or reason to it. So this means that Pookie has been off school for 2 days. Yesterday, it made sense. Today, it was just annoying.

At one point she was running laps around the house. Then an hour later she was burning up in my arms. A mother that I bumped into today suggested it was fifth's disease.

I'm sorry, but this is a ridiculous sickness. You may or may not have a rash and the fever comes and goes. If my kid is going to be sick, be sick! Not this on and off junk that makes me keep a kid at home of the off chance she might be sick.

It is not good for either of us. Yay for early bedtimes and beautiful sleeping daughters.

Too funny.

I debated whether to post this here or on my Trust my Path blog...but I think more people read this one.

Crash, boom bang!

About 10 minutes after putting the girls to bed Sunday night, I heard a horrific crash and immediate scream of pain. Hubby was in the shower and I was on a different floor watching TV when it happened, so you know it is bad when it is so loud.

As I tore down the stairs, I could tell it was Bear screaming and my first thought was that she had tumbled off her top bunk. When I got there, it was a combination of Bear screaming in pain, holding her face and Pookie trying to explain what happened.

Apparently, they had been verbally fighting and Bear was running to tattle on Pookie. Pookie had reached out to stop her and Bear's face crashed into the corner of the dresser in full flight...just missing her eye.

My first instinct was to yell at both of them. Clearly if they would just go to sleep when we put them to bed this would not happen!

However, I rocked Bear and told Pookie to go back to bed. I watched as a bruise formed on Bear's face and got Hubby to lift her back into bed. I kissed Pookie and Bear and told them tomorrow was a new day.

Then I went upstairs to calm my pounding heart. I don't like it when my kids get hurt. Or when they hurt each other using words or physical pain.

This parenting gig is hard.

Dinner redemption

OK. I was feeling a little bad about the pathetic dinner that I offered the girls yesterday, so today I wanted to do better. After playing outside for 5 hours, they were a little hungry. So we fired up the bbq, threw on some steaks and turkey, baked some fries and steamed some asparagus. Hubby also made some fresh ice cream. Bear had the great idea of eating outside, so we pulled the kitchen table out onto the patio and just enjoyed the spring.

Only in BC!

Dinner

Today I fed my darling children hot dogs and edamame.

Fake protein and real protein.

Dinner of champions.

A date with Pookie

Pookie and I needed some one on one time. So today after Hubby came home and the twins went home, we had a date. First we went to buy a birthday present for a friend's party. Then to our local ice cream shop for a treat. It is fun to be able to focus on the rambling stream of words of Pookie without distraction. The kid's mind is unbelievable. She spoke more in those 30 mins of ice cream time than I did in the day! Then off to a swanky hair salon for hair cuts.

Pookie is against hair cuts. She doesn't like them. Doesn't want them. She envisions herself with long flowing hair. It is becoming less of an issue now that Pookie spends more time brushing her own hair and making it "pretty". So I convinced her that a trim would actually speed up the hair growing and that it would make her hair healthy. So she decided to go first. And from that point on, it didn't matter that I was there. Pookie and her stylist had a grand ole time! They chatted about school, hair, my hair....Pookie got her hair blow dried and styled. She loved it!

As I sat off to the side and watched my daughter, I had visions of how stunning she is going to look as she gets older. And how much money we are going to have to earn to keep her in the fashion she desires!

I love that kid.

A different sort of gal...

I am not like most women. For those that know me, that is not surprise revelation. I don't enjoy chit chat, or talking about my feelings. I love my kids something fierce, but I'm not overly maternal in nature. I don't do dresses.

Today I realized just one more way that I may not be like some other women. When I am sad or heavy hearted, I don't go shoe or clothes shopping...I head straight for a local nursery...that's right. I buy dirt. And flowers. And veggies that I don't grow from seed.

Today was one of those days where I needed the solace of wandering through rows of seedlings, fertilizer and dirt. Here's a list of what I picked up:

Inpatients
Daisies
Balcopia
Lobelia
Celery
Eggplant
Lettuces
Rosemary
Basil
Broccoli
Cilantro
2 bags of dirt
Some much needed distraction.

I'm sure I could get all spiritual about being out in the sun, digging up weeds, seeing worms, seedlings and new growth. The reality is that I needed my hands to be busy and my mind to be blank.

The result is 2 hangings baskets out front. An arrangement of pink inpatients at the back and a mostly weed free back yard waiting to be planted with sweet peas, lettuces and herbs.

And a bit of peace of mind.

Lord of the Beans

Veggie Tales can be seriously messed up. Today for our movie night I popped in the movie "Lord of the Beans", a spoof on Lord of the Rings. I knew it was risky. The girls prefer their vegetables to do bible stories, not random stuff.

Sure enough, it was the most confusing Veggie Tales that we have ever watched.

Today

Today,

Bear and I had tea with friends.
We played soccer and had a treat at Tim Hortons
We cuddled on the couch, roasted a chicken and cut up carrots.
Pookie went to pottery.
Hubby came home from work.
Our family went to church for different activities
And now I'm off to grocery shop since we have no milk, butter or bread.


***For those keeping track, I did post yesterday. I have deleted said post because it was wrong of me to post it in the first place. Today I was reminded of what an insensitive jerk I am and learned just how many people do read my blog. I feel sick about it (the post) and will be asking for forgiveness and discipline from those it affected.***

Deleted post

The original post that was here was deleted. Enough said.

A tale of two churches and their potluck lunches.

One of the most fascinating parts of church is potluck lunches. It is where I first tasted canned corn and jello salads, collard greens and sweet potato pie, black bean soup and eggplant Parmesan.

Today I attended a lunch at the church we go now and I was struck by the difference between this church and the church I pastored at for 10 years.

Here (New church): Lots of meat dishes

There (Old church): Lots of vegetarian and vegan dishes

Here: Dozens of choices

There: Often one big pot of soup

Here: Cloth tablecloths

There: Battered wooden tables

Here: Older ladies in the kitchen

There: Men in the kitchen

Here: No nuts

There: Lots of nuts (as a protein)

Here: Stored bought bread and desserts

There: Homemade bread and desserts

One is not better than the other. Often at our old church, the girls would end up eating bread and cheese because everything else was not kid-friendly. But today I watched a couple of people search for something to eat because they were vegetarian.

However, there is something inherently good about sharing a meal with others. And today was one of those good days.

A field trip

Friday I decided to take the girls on a little field trip out to a farm. Since it was such a beautiful day, I also pulled Pookie out of school to come with us...shoot, if you are taking 3 girls, you might as well take 4!

ARocha is a Christian ministry dedicated to creation care and eco stewardship. They have an old homestead that they are using as a place to grow food, raise cows and chickens and use as a teaching centre. It is a beautiful and simple place. I would love to live somewhere just like it!

The girls checking out the Highland Cow


This cow was shaggy and loud! The girls "played" with her for a long time.


They grow mostly everything from seed. You can buy garden boxes and get fresh veggies all summer long to your door. A portion also goes to low income families so that they can enjoy good food too.


The highlight was the wooden playground complete with a stick swing on a huge old tree!




***Although I have some beautiful pictures of the twins, I chose not to post them here due to privacy***

Too tired.

I am tired people.

I had some great pictures of cute little girls running around a farm.

But I'm too tired to upload them and write about them.

I know.

You are crushed.

I'll do better tomorrow.

Adventures in Babysitting.

For the last month I've been looking after twin girls the same age as Bear (4). And it has been pretty smooth. They play well together, and when they don't, I step in with a distraction.

So I thought nothing of the fact that they were upstairs for while and that it was pretty quiet...until I went up to get them.

And saw a pile of hair.
Straight hair.
And scissors.

Apparently while one twin was sitting in front of her, Bear decided to snip off some of her hair. FOR NO REASON! I could have shook that kid. Not only did she do something incredibly naughty, but she did it to kids I AM IN CHARGE OF!

Shit.

So, with extreme restraint and effort, I took Bear downstairs to talk with her.

Why did you do it? I don't know. You don't know???? You have to know!!!

And on and on it went. I left her for 30 minutes in her room while I cooled down. When I came back, she had made 2 fingers bloody by her anxiety. (picking at them) She told me over and over how sorry she was. I told her over and over how she had to apologize to the twins' daddy.

Now that was an awkward conversation!

"Hi, um, my kid cut your kid's hair. I am really sorry. Where was I? Downstairs. I thought they were fine. Yes, I know scissors are dangerous. Yes, Bear is being punished. I am really sorry.
Did I say I was sorry?"

Yikes! I guess I'll find out tomorrow if they will trust me with their kids again. And whether or not Bear's chopping did real damage to the kid.

The OTHER blog

I lead a double life. One is here on this blog, which, as you know, is always sunshine and rainbows and family fun.

Then there is my other side. The side I don't let out much. The confused, dark, what-the-hell is going on side, that often has issues of faith wrapped around in it.

Today I posted on the other side...Trust my Path

Be warned...there is swearing.

Potatoes

Today I took the plunge and planted my potatoes. I kept waiting for a 3 or 4 day period of dry weather, but that is just not happening here.

So, pitchfork in hand, I tackled the heavy, wet dirt at my garden. My fearless helper Bear quickly abandoned me for greener pastures...ie: the park, as I toiled. She joined me to plant 2 hills, then left me to do the other 26.

I'm sure it will be worth it in the summer when we can dig up fresh taters!

A new favorite food

It is always interesting to get kids to try new foods. We are fairly lucky with the girls in that they eat tons of fruit and veggies, most meat and rice and pasta. But every once in a while we hit a wall with them, such as this night which you can read about here...

So tonight I didn't hold out high hopes for a new veggie I was trying, Edamame. I had only really made enough for me, but convinced the girls to try one. Here's the comments...

Pookie:

This is weird..but good... No! It is amazing! I want more! I WANT ALL OF YOURS!

This is on my top list of favorite things in the world! Well, no, first is God, then a puppy...then these! I love them!

Bear:

Mom, can I have these in my lunch next year for school? I like them. I want more. NOW!

Go figure. When I told the girls it was fairly healthy for them, they thought it could be their new bedtime snack.

Kids. You can never quite figure them out.

Easter Beauties

My girls




Pookie


Bear

My little Evangelist...

Pookie loves God. She loves learning about Him, talking about Him and teaching about Him. In school they did a resurrection egg project using a dozen plastic egg. Each egg has an element of the crucifixion/resurrection story. It was amazing to Hubby and I to hear her on Thursday tell the story in such great detail. Since today was our family Easter meal with my parents, sister and sister's new boyfriend, Pookie was eager to retell the story.

My family has no faith background, so it is always interesting to celebrate Christian holidays with them. I had told Pookie that she must ask permission to tell the story out of respect to my family and that it was OK for them to say no....Of course they said Yes and seemed very intrigued by the story with Hubby and I filling in bits and pieces.

Pookie, my little Evangelist...I love that kid.

Good Friday????

Today we attended a Tenebrae service at church to observe Good Friday. Tenebrae literally meets 'shadows' or 'darkness'. The service was good for my soul in so many ways.

How the sanctuary became darker as the service went on.

The readings based in scripture and the accompanying candle.

The quiet. The reflection. This is my kind of church.

And, I got to participate by doing one of the readings...And I remembered how much I enjoy leading others in worship/reflection..

The shadow of Crucifixion...

Readings from Psalm 22:1-2,6-8,14-18

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.
But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by men and despised by the people.
All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads:
"He trusts in the LORD; let the LORD rescue him.
Let him deliver him, since he delights in him."
I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me.
My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death.
Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me,
they have pierced my hands and my feet.
I can count all my bones; people stare and gloat over me.
They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing.

Luke 9:23

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself
and take up his cross daily and follow me."

Matthew 27:31-43

....Then they led him away to crucify him.
As they were going out, they met a man from Cyrene, named Simon,
and they forced him to carry the cross.
They came to a place called Golgotha
(which means The Place of the Skull).
There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall;
but after tasting it, he refused to drink it.
When they had crucified him,
they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
And sitting down, they kept watch over him there.
Above his head they placed the written charge against him:
“This is Jesus, the King of the Jews.”
Two robbers were crucified with him,
one on his right and one on his left.
Those who passed by hurled insults at him,
shaking their heads and saying,
"You who are going to destroy the temple
and build it in three days, save yourself!
Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!"
In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law
and the elders mocked him.
"He saved others, but he can't save himself!
He's the King of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross,
and we will believe in him.
He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now, if he wants him...."

“This is the Shadow of Crucifixion” (extinguish candle)

Bad Dreams, Bad Dreams go away...

One of the interesting things about having kids is seeing parts of you in them. Pookie has brown eyes and a loyal spirit. Bear is slightly more introverted and shy. The one thing that both girls have been cursed with inherited from me is the fact that we have vivid dreams in sleep.

And by vivid dreams, I mean nightmares. Bad ones. I have had dreams so intense that I've woken up feeling like I just ran a marathon. Or convinced that my family is dead. Or so scared I actually cannot fall back asleep.

The girls go through phases of nightmares. Pookie has had night terrors a few times, but Bear is more likely to have at least one nightmare a night. For a while, we had a girl appear at our bed every night to sleep with us. That gets old pretty darn quick.

So in desperation, I took a trick I saw on a Grey's anatomy episode and tried it out on the girls. And now I must do it every night before bed...3 times or it doesn't work.

And it worked! Or at least slowed down the nightly procession to my bedside. Until last night when Bear was so upset that I was coming to work this morning. She cried herself sick and then asked me to say "Bad dreams". I did that and for good measure, prayed with her. (covering all the bases)

Bear had a nightmare almost every hour! Finally she came into our bed at midnight and every hour, when I could hear her breathing change, her body tense up and crying in her sleep, I would hold her, kiss her and let her know I was there. She would never wake up, but would eventually relax and go into deeper sleep.

Guess how much sleep I got? Yeah.

Here is the clip from Grey's. Unfortunately I couldn't find the clip when the kid was alive and the mom was doing it....so be warned, it is a tiny bit emotional!