I.N.F.P.

Back in the day when we started up a ministry, one of 'staff bonding' times involved taking the Meyers -Brigg test. From the get go, I've always tested the same. And not ambiguously, I am on the far scale of each of the personality traits. After a couple of years, I just stopped taking the test and just focused on blending my traits with the rest of the staff.

I am an:

Introvert - Reflective, rich inner life, re-charge privately and better with one on one

iNtutive - Lives in Future, sees patterns, rhythms, creative, good at improvising on the fly, big picture

Feeling - Highly sensitive to emotions, feelings of others, using senses to engage others

Perceives -Multi tasking, tolerant of pressure/deadlines, live life on the go, easy/flexible.

***Interestingly enough, Hubby is the exact opposite of me in all but the last one, Perception. Early on in our marriage it was quite the struggle, but the reality is that if you share the last trait with your partner, you can manage the others. The last one is all about how you deal with life and your outlook. So important in parenting and relationships!****

The fact that I was so overwhelmed yesterday was not due to grief at the death of this woman, although I did feel the loss...but rather the way I processed the day. Being both an intuitive and feeler means that all the grief that circled my office weighed on me, so by the time I left, I was done.

The way I explain it to my kids is this: God gave us each special gifts. Hubby and Bear are both 'friend makers', Pookie shows gifting for working with kids...I have the gift, that Hubby and I jokingly refer to as the 'dump your sh*t on me' gift. (The G rated version is the listening gift.)

It means that sometimes people, sometimes complete strangers, will tell me their deepest darkest secrets/problems. And often, when the stories are full of pain, some of their pain gets transferred on to me; they feel better, but I can feel worse. I had forgotten just how much I depend on my intuition/feeling to engage with others until I was in such a demanding, emotional day. In my time as a pastor, this was a helpful tool in counselling people. Of course in my pastoring days, I was a lot more holy and was better able to shift the knowledge/pain/secret on to God; thus freeing myself from the burden. (So Catholic of me, I know!)

This is what happened yesterday. There were a lot of people crying, coming to me to talk...so that by the end of day I was shattered. And due to the lack of holiness on my part, the best I could do was to go to my garden and put it to sleep for the fall. In the pouring rain.

This gift, it is a blessing. It allows me to walk with people in their most vulnerable state, and it meets the need of most people; the need to be heard, the need to be known in this world.