Christmas Hangover

We are one day away from returning to the left coast and we are SICK! I blame our extended family, an abundance of food and lack of normal routine. However, it still means that tomorrow I get to take 2 sick kids and a nauseous hubby on a 5 hour flight. I am packing lots of extra clothes in case of vomit. I wish there was some way to warn the people travelling with us in the plane...

Turning 40 and other such things...

I am a longish way away from turning 40, but I am currently in Ontario celebrating my bro-in-law's birthday. There have been a lot of conversations around turning 40 and its made me think. One conversation with my father-in-law about his turning 40 was very interesting. He had certain goals around financial issues, family stuff etc and he hadn't quite made it at 40...so for him 40 was a disappointment. But at 41, he had achieved it. Since I just signed up for a 30 yr mortgage, it would be a miracle for us to be debt free by 40, but who knows?

I started thinking about what I wanted at 40:
2 healthy, beautiful daughters aged 11 and 9
1 wonderful hubby aged 39 1/4
A job that made me smile
A savings account
More smile wrinkles and gray hair
A body that was healthy

That is it so far, check back in a couple of years to see if the list changed!

Ah...Advent

I've decided that unless you actually live in an igloo, it is impossible not to be swayed by the hype of Christmas.  As the girls get older, our Christmas traditions are starting to take more depth and goodness.  However, we are also bombarded with requests for "things" and the relentless questioning about Santa.  Pookie and Bear are well aware of the fact that Santa is not real(in fact we needed to have a talk with Pookie about not ruining for the kids in her kindergarten class).  Pookie has found my achilles heel with Christmas and constantly pokes at my thinly veiled disgust with Santa.  Drives. Me. Crazy!  

Christmas this year is taking a different shape.  We are off to Hubby's family in Ontario for 12 days.  We have decided to give the girls one 'big' present ($30 or less) and stocking stuffers, no presents for us and one present from the girls to us.  There are 2 big reasons for this change.  The first is that we don't need more stuff!  The girls and I all did a sweep of the clothes and toys to give away, which was great.  They really can't play with everything anyway.  The second reason that our Christmas is a bit less is because Hubby just got laid off from his job.  The camp he was working for is in HUGE financial trouble, and he was the first casualty.  

So, this Advent season where we wait on the mystery of Christ to be revealed to us has really taken on new meaning for us.  We are grateful for what we have in each other, friends and family and we trust God will lead us through this time.

I leave you with a beautiful Pookie as Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer!

Life in the 'burbs. Part 1

Driving in the purple mini van, listening to your kids singing Praise Jesus songs, sipping a Starbucks Eggnog Latte and wondering how the #@$# you got there.

And it has only been 3 months...

My baby is 3!

October 15, 2005 my little bear came into this world at a whopping 9 pounds 9 ounces.  Now she is a beautiful little girl with green eyes, curly hair and a smile to die for.  She is a lover and a hugger, a fearless physical player and a sensitive soul.  She has made our family complete and I can't imagine life without her.

We celebrated on Monday with a trip to the pumpkin patch.  Due to camera difficulties, we have no pictures, but go here to see the day.  Last night we celebrated with family and Bear's preschool.  

It always amazes me how quickly kids grow.  Especially during days that seem to stretch forever as a parent!  But now, I have 2 little girls that alternately frustrate and amuse me each day.  Each with their own personality and quirks that give me glimpses of the women that they will eventually become.  I feel blessed to raise these beautiful girls!

Great GooglyMoogly!

Welcome to October!  I know...there has been a lack of postings.  As g. mango aka 'super nanny' likes to point out, the girls literally give me a post a day in the things they say or do.  I have no excuse!  Right now I'm sitting on the couch with Bear as she eats marshmallows and chocolate chips.  So healthy!  But she did just vacuum the stairs by herself and proudly suggested the snack she should have.  Frankly, she is just so cute, I couldn't resist!

A September recap complete with bullet points:

• First days of school
• Surprise visit from the mom-in-law for Hubby's birthday
• Hubby's birthday
• A mad rush to finish our house in time for an Open House
• Open house with 50+ guests, so fun!
• Work trip to Calgary and a work retreat
• And a bunch of other stuff that I'm sure was important, but now forget!

To make up for the lack of posts, here are some pictures from the month. . .

What just happened here?!?!?!

It is official.  I'm a mother of a kindergartner and a preschooler!  Yep, Pookie and Bear are happy school attenders!  I feel especially blessed that Bear has fallen in love with preschool, since we were quite worried about separation anxiety with her.  I must admit to a tear and a choked up throat as I watch Pookie march off to her class without a second look back...and Bear hunkered down with her teacher doing a puzzle and waving goodbye.  It is crazy, so crazy that I'm breaking my self-imposed rule of no pictures of the girls.  Here are their first day pictures!

10 years...

Today marks 10 years of wedded bliss for Hubby and me. I would probably be way more excited if I wasn't coughing my lungs out and feverish. And if Hubby and I were closer together than 2 ferries and hour's drive. Apparently in our absence from the island, enjoying some girl sickness time, Hubby felt left out and decided to get sick himself. He is so thoughtful that way! I did manage to get him a gift this morning...Sudafed and 10 different kinds of lottery tickets. I know, I'm so thoughtful like that too!

Stumped!

This is the big week of "the move". It might be more exciting if our apartment was sold though. Ah well.

There are a few things still left to be done before Thursday's moving day, like more painting, cleaning etc. But I've been filling boxes from the old place to bring to the new place, mostly kitchen and bathroom stuff. So, I'm standing in our new kitchen staring at the sheer amount of cupboard space...and I'm stumped! I can't figure out where stuff should go! Does it make sense to put the oatmeal here or there? Spices? Kid snacks? The reality is that for 5 years, I've had 2.5 cupboards in my kitchen. I used a closet as a pantry and everything was stacked on top of each other to maximize space. So if you really wanted that specific pot, you had to commit to taking everything else off of it. Now with so much kitchen space...I'm at a loss. Trust me. I saw the funny/irony too...

Conversations with a 2 3/4 year old

As a disclaimer, I'm not really sure if this counts as a conversation...but it was hilarious!

Bear - "Attention everyone, attention"
Us - "What?"
Bear - 3 big farts accompanied by 3 simultaneous claps
Us - laughing our heads off, but trying to hide it "Bear! What do you say?"
Bear - "Thank you!"

Conversations with a five year old.

I was telling Pookie the story of how as a 2 year old, she took my wedding ring and "lost" it. So now I wear a simple silver band that I bought myself as a 21 year old as my wedding ring. Hubby had let it slip that he had been shopping around for a new band, but the one he like was $1000, which is about $989 more dollars than we have! My point to Pookie was that we didn't have that money to spend and that we could wait till we did. This conversation followed:
"Mom, why do you say we are poor? Look around you at all this stuff we have!" (Picture mounds of princess stuff)
"I didn't say that we were poor, I said we didn't have money to buy a ring. God has always provided enough for us to take care of you and Bear."
"Well of course Mom, He loves us..." (complete with eye roll and sighing)

Ahh, the wisdom of a five year old!

Hospital epiphany

Last night I spent hours in an ER waiting room with a set of parents of one of our camp staff.  'L' had taken a wicked fall during wake boarding and had been airlifted off of Hubby's island by helicopter to the city.  She was on a spinal board and had some numbness in her legs and little movement in her neck.  The fear was that she had a major spinal injury.  I had been on a ferry home when I got the message of the accident and headed straight off the ferry to the hospital to sit with the parents.  As I met the parents and sat with them, I realized something...

Being a parent is so much more than birthing, feeding, changing and playing with your children.  It is the willingness to let them go to explore, learn and play on their own with the knowledge that you cannot protect them from this world.  That you have now made yourself so vulnerable to the possibility of loss or hurt happening to your child.  That one day you could be sitting in a ER waiting room feeling the sharp pain of worry and grief....Yet, we do have children for the greater possibility of the love and friendship of a child.  Of the possibility of memories and family, laughter and love.  Because even though you may have to sit in an ER, you know it has been completely worth it just to have this child in your life.

I feel like I've always try to guard myself from getting to emotionally attached to people for fear of getting hurt.  But once you marry, but even more so, once you have children, that is gone.  You are attached, sometimes almost painfully so.  You are vulnerable in so many ways.  It is that stripping down of walls that make life so much more vivid and real.  The ability to love freely and unconditionally happens so much easier with children.  To me, it also gives me a glimpse of God.  Watching 'L's parents last night, you could see the love on their faces.  You knew that they would have traded spots with her gladly, borne her pain and worry themselves if they could.  That is a reflection of God.  His Love for us is so much more than we can imagine...but we can catch glimpses of it when we watch a parent and their child.

At 1 am last night 'L' was released from hospital to go home and rest.  She already wants to be back at camp with her kids...Her parents have different ideas....

Random thoughts while painting

Here is what goes through my mind after hours of painting and inhaling fumes:

• I wonder if I'm the only one who think Janet Jackson's best music was the Rhythm Nation Album?
• Hand cramp! How do painters do this?!!??
• Oh crap...am I painting this wall mint green? Great, now the house looks like an ice cream shop.
• Hand cramp! Again!
• I'm too sexy for this paint...too sexy for this paint...
• Skittles and root beer is the ultimate painting snack...actually, its all I've eaten all day...shoot, that can't be good.

There were many more, but probably totally inappropriate for this blog. However, the bedrooms, kitchen, hallway downstairs are all painted. Just the upstairs hallway/den to go!

Hello? Anyone home?

I'm pretty sure I blinked and June and July were gone...

Sorry friends ( all 2 of you who read this blog!) I have been remiss. Absent. Gone. Have I mentioned that I am sorry?

OK, here is the deal. June was what I like to call, " Single parent - Oh my gosh, I can't do this" month. That was the month Hubby moved to his island and only came back on weekends. Yeah, much respect to the mothers who do this full time. I am not that good of a person, I need Hubby...otherwise the 'crazy mama' switch flips in my brain! July has been the "could I travel for work any more?" month where I was gone 17 days out of 23! Then promptly came back and spoke at the single moms camp on Hubby's island. Both these months also included the stress of our apartment NOT selling, a monstrous amount of painting and trying to figure how I'm going to move all our stuff! Ah, life...gotta love it.

On the bright side, the girls are thriving at Hubby's camp. We have a 'super' nanny who loves them along with the staff of the camp. We had 3 birthday parties for Pookie who is now 5,( which needs to be a whole another post) a visit from Hubby's parents and a bit of time with my parents. I think I'm still married to Hubby, we just don't see each other much. However, when we do hang out, we like each other!

Please be patient with me, I now live on a island that lacks the Internet. I will try and be better in August. Now, off to finish painting the new place!

Umbrella etiquette

I live in a rain forest, the West Coast of Canada.  8 months of the year it rains.  I've embraced the rain.  I've bought fun rubber rain boots to stomp in puddles, a bright green all weather jacket to keep me warm and dry, and a funky hat.  What I don't have is an umbrella.  That is because I'm usually pushing a stroller and/or holding little hands as we walk.  So, I'm usually soaked after a walk to preschool or work or shopping.

What I don't understand is the folks who HAVE umbrellas and their incessant need to also walk under the store awnings...thus forcing me, the umbrella-less one, to walk out in the rain.  Do they not understand the concept of umbrellas???  That if they step out into the rain, they will not get wet because of the aforementioned umbrella?

Umbrella etiquette people.  Seriously!

I think that I am extra grumpy about this because it is mid May and I am soaked to the skin slogging to preschool and back.

Spring, oh Spring

Wherefore art thou Spring?

Signs of blessings...

Muffins made with love and little hands, served to me in bed...

Books to read for me and books to read to little girls as gifts...

A husband that made it all happen...

Flowers from my youth...

Dinner with my mom...

It was a beautiful day.

Signs of mourning

People grieve in different ways.  Some hold it all in, others let it all hang out.  Some seek to comfort in the midst of their own grieving, others lash out.  It has been interesting to me to see how my decision to leave has affected so many people.  The reactions have been varied.  Some have been hurtful, people questioning our decision making skills, making disparaging comments about my ministry and casting doubt on my ability to adjust to "life outside of this community."  Some reactions have been heart wrenching, seeing the front row of my youth sobbing during the announcement.

But, today I was blessed by 2 women who I considered friends and mentors.  They are beautiful, intelligent women, who have a passion for life and ministry.  They sat with me in a coffee shop and just listened.  They heard what I had to say, they saw the struggle it was to make the decision and they affirmed me.  Ute reminded me that as mothers we can go through seasons of ministry depending on the needs of our families.  And that it is OK to let go and realize that I may be in a different season of ministry.  That meant a lot since her 2 sons are in my youth group!  It also made me realize that I've been a pastor for 9 years, and it has shaped me in so many ways.  I think part of my mourning may be the letting go of that "title" (which really means nothing to me in the whole grand scheme of things...but still is part of me like being "Pookie & Bear's mom...does that make sense?)

This should be an interesting few weeks!

Big changes afoot...

I don't even know how to start this post.  This has been the craziest month of my life and I am exhausted and very emotional about it.  The long and short of the matter is that I've resigned from being a pastor and we are moving out of our city to the suburbs.  There is no ONE reason that we are doing this, (though people keep trying to pin me down to one) it is a whole host of things:

• It is family and marriage, 
• work and play, 
• extended family and friends, 
• church and ministry, 
• camp and responsibilities
  
• new job and school dreams

See?  It is so simple...

My family longs for space and green, a new place to worship and connect with community, to be closer to grandparents etc.  I long for space and green, but I love my church and my ministry.  I love my community.  And it is tearing me up to leave.  But it is time.  Our season here is done.  12 years.  There IS joy mingled with sorrow.  We are moving to a good place, a bigger home near family and good friends.  Pookie will be going to a good school, and Bear will start preschool near us.  There is goodness in the move.  But first I need to mourn.

An update

Sorry for being missing in action.  Allow me to present the ever popular bullet point list of what has been happening these last weeks:

• Spring cleaning and de-cluttering.  This is so good for my soul.  I think I could live with less stuff.  
• Finishing all those little projects that we started when we first got the apartment. Patching, painting, closet doors.
• Sorting through the masses of clothes that the girls own.  It is ridiculous how much they have.
• Deep and profound conversations with Hubby.  I think that we are starting to really hear each other and develop some core values for our family.
• The ever-present job of mothering 2 highly active little girls
• 3 day trip all over Alberta.  The highlight was seeing a good friend and her 4 kids!
• Work and all that involves

I promise to post more around some big changes that are coming down the pipe for our family.  Stay tuned for that post this Saturday!  Till then, for those of you who read and know what those changes are, please don't comment on them.  Just pray!

Photography

I love taking pictures. I especially love taking pictures of the girls. What I'm not good at is printing the pictures and putting them into an album. The digital age of photography is great, but I have thousands (no exaggerating here) of pictures and less than 200 in print. This year I decided to print 12 pictures each month and stick them in an album. It's April. No pictures yet.

And I'm still wary of putting pictures of the girls on this site. I think I'm being a bit over cautious, but I haven't gotten over it yet, so I'm trying to take creative shots that don't reveal all of them...which is fun. Here are some shots from a recent getaway to the Sunshine Coast.

The view from our cabin

Hubby's creation

Pookie building a rock tower

Rocks and water at Hard-to-come-by Bay

****Literally, 2 minutes after I posted this, I got a creepy comment from an unknown person! This is why I don't post pictures of the girls!!!!****

Night Hike

I just got back from an amazing night hike with some of my youth. We headed up to the North Shore's Deep Cove and ended up on this great lookout that overlooked the river and city. The best part of this hike was that it was fully organized by one of my youth.

I've been teaching my youth that we are all uniquely wired to interact, encounter and worship God. Which is why Sunday mornings in a pew don't always float some peoples' boat...you aren't wired to worship that way. Luke is wired to engage God in nature. His mom is the same way and actually inspired a doctoral thesis which turned into a book called 'What's your God language'. The first Friday night of every month has been an exploration of worshipping in different ways. We've done prayer and quiet reflections, singing, playing crazy games and sharing a feast around a table. It has been so encouraging to see these teenagers try and figure out where they encounter God and how to incorporate that into their lives. The last 2 Fridays have been run by youth that are excited to share with the others how they see God. Luke had planned the hike, found verses that he shared along the hike and just taught us how he walks and how he sees God in creation. For some inner city teenagers, that is some good stuff!

I love my job.

FYI: For those that know the saga of the Achilles...it did pretty good on the hike. Feel strong and stable.
My lungs, however, begged to be torn out of my chest and laid to rest on the side of the trail!

The dreaded ear infection

I have lived in a world free of ear infections. I listened to stories of friends and their children who seem to get them every 2 weeks with sympathy and a tiny bit of smugness at my ear infection-free life. Then it happened.

Bear has been snot nosed and coughing for a few days. This afternoon she went for a nap and woke up screaming about her left ear. So, we packed up and headed to the walk in clinic. Sure enough, it was infected. The doctor made me look. "See that all that red? That's not supposed to be there" OK, good. So prescription in hand, we trekked down another block to get the medicine. The whole time Bear is crying, 'I'm really sick Mom'...Ugh, it breaks your heart! The problem is that Bear hates taking medicine and right now doesn't want anything. So, Hubby (who by that time had gotten my message regarding Bear and wisely came home early) had to hold her down as we forced the meds into her. Then she promptly fell asleep on his shoulder after covering his shoulder with mucus.

It was right about then I decided to order pizza for dinner.

Earth hour

Yesterday we celebrated/observed/did the hipster thing, Earth hour. We planned all day for it, even leaving our friends house so that we could get home. Of course that meant putting the girls to bed in the pitch black, only to hear Pookie cry out for her night light. (Eco friendly bulb in nightlight thank goodness!)

So, girls to bed early, bedroom aglow with candlelight and what do we do? Set up Ikea furniture of course! Yes, just like in the olden days....oh wait...Any way, we had bought a new desk at Ikea that day. Of course, we only went to Ikea for a picture frame and came home with bedding, a bodum, chalk, a roll of paper, an as-is dining room table and a desk.

Needless to say, it was an adventure. Hubby and I have very different ways of going about things. I like to look at instructions, he doesn't. I like to do it step by step, he leapfrogs. I like to use finesse, he uses brute strength. And nothing is better than looking for that last thingamajig by candlelight! However, amidst giggles, sighs, a few curses, a bit of compromise and a frantic search through the packaging for the missing piece, we set it up. And it is mighty fine.

And today I managed to frame one of my favorite Pookie creations...which is why we went to Ikea in the first place!

The Open Door

Every Wednesday morning for the past 3 years, I've gone to the Open Door. It is a ministry for single moms that offers licensed care for babies and preschoolers, coffee, free clothes, bible studies and a great lunch. But it offers so much more than that...it offers a community where moms can come and share their struggles with kids, work and relationships. And almost every time I leave the church, I am thankful that I have a husband who loves me and his girls. Because I am often counting down the minutes until Hubby walks through the door and gives me "a break". More so when the girls were both in diapers, but still even now! I can't imagine going day after day without a break. Without someone to share the load of life with kids. That is what these moms do, day after day.

This January I was handed the reins to the program. The woman who started it 18 years ago got very sick and was unable to continue. In desperation, they asked me to take it on. Suckers. Any way, this morning I noticed that one of our regulars has been MIA for several weeks. So I gave her a call this morning and encouraged her to come. (for those of you who know me, this was a big step due to my phone phobia!) Olga is a Russian immigrant who is on disability and suffers from depression. She can be very difficult to be with and often asks for help but then doesn't listen. I taught on a Thomas Merton prayer that has been very meaningful to me for a long time and it sparked an amazing time of sharing, bonding and prayer. Olga actually left with a smile on her face. But the best part was how the other moms really came alongside her and encouraged her. Most of the moms who come to our program actually don't have preschool kids, their kids are in school. It is the feeling of community and belonging that keeps them coming. The sense that there are other women willing to hear their stories, give encouragement and to speak God's word. For most of the moms, this is their church.

It is my prayer that more moms find us. That they are able to let go of any 'fear' of church and come in to find a community. It is my prayer that we are a place that extends the welcome of Jesus and the welcome of the single mom. And it is my prayer that I continue to learn from our moms.

Good Friday...in three parts...

Part 1

The doorbell rings early Friday morning. It's our regular babysitter whom we forgot to cancel since Hubby had the day off. But we quickly decided to have some kid free time and gleefully headed off to a coffeeshop. Then the skytrain. Then the mall. As we are wandering, we spotted the Good Feet store. If you are from our neck of the woods, you would know the commercials that run for the Good Feet store. The testimonials of how the orthopedics saved folks from immense/chronic foot and back pain. You would also know that all the folks are 65+. Hubby and I are not 65...we are holding on to our early thirties. However, we often feel 65+ due to foot and back pain. (A intimate encounter with a pickup truck for Hubby, another volleyball injury for me) So we made stupid jokes about going in, then actually went in. I just about kneeled over at the sheer ugliness of shoes and the vast amounts of money that they wanted for them. The woman, noticing the sheen of perspiration and frightened looks on our faces, quickly came over and started her pitch. A couple of tests later, a trial pair of ortho. insoles for Hubby and nearly $500, we walked out of the Good Feet store. Hubby is well on his way to walking without pain. As for me, I headed to the nearest grocery store for a $13 pair of Dr. Scholls.

Part 2

Friday is swim day for Hubby and the girls, and because I didn't have a formal youth event, I joined in. It was fun to see how much Pookie is loving the water and how much she is willing to do. Because during the 10 swim lessons she had, she cried enough to fill a pool! We headed for a nutritious meal at the Golden Arches where I tried a salad. Which, by the way, is ridiculous. If you are going to the arches, get the bad-for-you food.

Part 3

We got home in time for me to head to our Good Friday service. It is quite a beautiful candle lit service with readings, hymns and reflections from different writers. I was just getting into it when Luis and a friend walked in. This are guys from the neighbourhood who struggle with substance abuse. To say that these guys were hammered is being quite kind. Luis tends to get loud and flirty, but you can usually get him to quiet down. His friend was in no mood to do that. In fact, he was quite loud, swearing constantly and acting aggressive. Despite the efforts of some spanish speaking folks, we couldn't get him calm. Imagine a darkened sanctuary, a reflective atmosphere and a guy dropping F- bombs every time we prayed or were quiet. Needless to say, it was distracting and a bit scary when I thought I might get hit. Of course, as folks walked out of the service they made sure that I knew that they were displeased. (Whatever, I'm the youth pastor...I did the best I could. There were other leadership folks/pastors there too) As I was walking home and trying to process all that had happened, I was struck by a thought. (a disclaimer here: I tend to resist 'spiritualizing' everything, but this thought helped me put everything into perspective) I'm pretty sure that at the foot of the cross there were people cursing at Jesus. It was not a quiet reflective moment where everyone pondered the weighty significance of what was happening. It was loud and messy. Much like the church I pastored in, worship at and find my community. This is my church. And it is messy and loud. It welcomes and creates space for those who know and love God, for those trying to figure it out, and for those whose wounds are so deep that all they can do is curse God. This is my church. And that was my Good Friday.

S.A.D?

I went to the doctor's today because I feel blah...no serious illness, ache or pain, just blah. It is very difficult to explain blah to a doctor. They want vomiting! sharp pain! swollen glands! I think the doctor was a tad disappointed to hear my general uneasiness over my blah. To her credit, she gave me a through check up, poked and prodded here and there (but not there, know what I mean ladies??) We chatted a bit about SAD, seasonal affect disorder. She asked if I'd been on any drugs/antidepressants. Which I haven't. So the decision was made to do a round of blood work to basically check everything that could possibly wrong with me. Sweet. That should be at least 4 vials, with fasting beforehand. That will happen next week. I'll get a call if something "abnormal" shows up.

I almost want something to be 'wrong', so I could blame my case of blah on it. Weird and twisted, I know. I think it would be worse if there wasn't anything physically wrong with me...because then I'd have to look at my mental health. Sigh...

A good friend of mine just lost his nephew to suicide. His nephew had been suffering from SAD and decided to leave church early and hang himself. He was 19. Needless to say, this sparked a conversation between me and hubby around the topic. Hubby asked if I ever felt bad enough to do that. I quickly reassured him that NO, I'd never felt that urge. But, I do feel the urge to disconnect from life. Just disappear to a place where no one knows me. No emotional or physical demands put upon me. Which I believed can be just as devastating as ending one's life for those around the person.

However, I know God has been looking out for me. There are 3 tangible things to prove it: Hubby, Pookie and Bear. The love of these 3 keep me connected in this world. Force me to look outward instead inward. Physically engage me with kisses, hugs and hands slipped into mine. They are the reason I hauled my butt into the doctor's to figure out what the deal was.

The good news is that I can almost taste spring. The cherry blossoms are out, our little garden is full of daffodils and crocuses and we are headed on a mini vacation to Keats. Right after my quick trip to Winnipeg. Where the temperature is -30, but sunny!

Books, books and more books

We've hit a new stage in Bear's development. The one that makes us go to the library every - single - day. Initially, I was ecstatic at my daughter's desire to read. Actually, I'm still loving the fact that the girls want to read, but there is a point where I just want them to figure it out or to be happy looking at the pretty pictures! I am a reader, Hubby is not. But he was worried that our kids wouldn't be good readers or even want to read. No worries on that front big guy...our girls love to read. Often the same book, over and over and over....

I am definitely rediscovering some of my old favorites like the Hungry Caterpillar and Mr Pine's purple house. A good friend directed me to the funniest kid (but really meant for grown ups) books featuring a pigeon with an attitude. There is a series of books written by Laura Numeroff " if you give..." Another favorite author is Robert Munsch. Seriously, it fun to read these books, even if Bear and Pookie wander off.

Got any favorites?

Bad wife moment...or two...

Today was one of those days where I just needed to duct tape my mouth shut. Hubby and I haven't seen each other a whole lot because he is working crazy long hours and I'm jetting off here and there, plus wrangling the girls. So this morning, we had 10 minutes together and for about 9 1/2 minutes we were at odds over how I was disciplining Bear. Granted, I probably wasn't handling the situation as well as I could have...but the kid had just head butted me and I was a tad grumpy about it. So, instead of a loving goodbye, I heard the door close, ummm, forcefully. Then, since its Friday, its swimming with Daddy day for the girls. So the minute he gets home, the girls are up and ready to go. He doesn't really get a break. However, since I was in fine form, I managed to piss him off again over something that is really none of my business. (His work stuff)

So here I sit, blogging this because it seems to be the best option instead of wallowing in guilt. I think these kinds of days happen when we don't have that time together to debrief. So I try to cram it all in the few minutes we have and it comes out all wrong. Ugh! I'm preparing myself for an awkward conversation after youth group tonight. I'd phone him now, but I'm pretty sure he will see my number on call display and not pick up.

I don't blame him. I wouldn't pick up either.

A new look

So...how do you like the new look? Much thanks to Niki over at coastalslingmommy for the link. Off to the Sunshine Coast with 250+ youth for the weekend...pray for me!

I'm back....

And I bet you didn't even know I was gone. Yep, I'm a jet setter. Dashing off to hot spots like Edmonton and Calgary for the day. Next month...Winnipeg for the weekend! Whoo and Hoo!

I am beginning to realize something about these "day" trips to other provinces. It's hard. Yes, it's cool to stroll through the airport, coffee in hand, carry-on bag in the other, whisking through check in, sitting down and perusing the paper at my leisure. Just worrying about myself getting on board and buckling just one seat belt. Riding in taxis from one meeting to another. Having my job pay for everything from coffee to dinner....wait a minute...where was I??? Oh yes. The hard part. Here it is:

It is exhausting! Because Pookie and Bear tend to need me a lot, I try to do a massive amount in a very short time so that they can either wake up with me there or have me tuck them in. Take my trip to Edmonton yesterday. I woke up at 4:30 AM. Showered, dressed and ate a banana. Realized that I forgot to buy ground beef for dinner like I promised my mother. (who was watching the girls at our house that afternoon). So, off I went at 4:55 AM to our local 24 hour grocery store, which, of course, did not have any ground beef in stock. Came home, got the stroller out of the van and into our house, and ate something else. By 5:30, I was headed to the airport, parked in long term parking (about a kilometer from airport) and walked in. Took a 7 am flight to Edmonton that sat on the tarmac for 1/2 hour then informed us that they were taking us to Calgary instead. Edmonton had too much fog. At the very last moment in the air, Edmonton's fog lifted and we landed. It was a little bumpy and I think the coffee and juice I consumed, along with pretzels was not such a good idea. I was running late, so I jumped into a cab. My driver was, um, enthusiastic in his driving. He also have 4 brand new 'vanilla' trees and the heat cranked. Needless to say, it didn't help the coffe/juice/pretzel thing going on in my stomach. Arrived at my first meeting at 10:30, a little green. Had to leave meeting 1/2 way through for bathroom break. Very smooth. Made it through first meeting by noon. Then got a ride to the other side of Edmonton, into Skid Row. Dropped off 45 min early. Decided to walk and find lunch in hopes that my head and stomach would settle. Had to walk 35 mins into the city to find food. In -20 degree sunshine. Had excellent meeting with inner city ministry and a guy from a camp. Got a ride to airport from camp guy, who circled in the city for 20 min before finding his way out to the airport. 3pm at airport. Bought girls a caramel/smartie apple. Crashed for 1 hour on bench. Woke up to find my morning meeting guy sitting across from me headed to Vancouver. Ate chicken noodle soup. Sat in emergency exit row with a nice guy a seat away. 10 sec before the flight was ready to take off, a man about 5' 4" demanded to sit in the middle seat because he needed the leg room. He then proceeded to take both armrests. Sweet. 6:30pm, arrive in Vancouver. Decide to offer morning meeting guy a ride to his hotel room. Home at 7:15pm to hug, kiss and tuck my girls in. 8:30pm in bed.

Here are the things I learned:

• I need to get more than 5 hours sleep
• Buy ground beef the day before
• I pack better for my kids than for myself. I had no gloves or hat in -20 degree weather
• Short men may have issues
• It is always good to offer rides to colleagues, especially when they out rank you
• It is so important to be home in time to kiss my girls and tell them that I love them

Superstar Hubby!!!

Earlier this week, Hubby and I had one of "those" conversations about our marriage. You know, the kind of conversation that makes you squirm, panic and want to throw up? Any way, we shared about those hidden expectations that we have for each other, our marriage and our family. The hidden expectations that neither of us knew about but expected the other to fulfill? I know, good relationship stuff...

So, the day before Valentines, hubby came home with flowers for all his girls. Very cute and the girls loved it. Pookie, Bear and I had spent the week crafting cards for everyone we knew, and I had also bought the girls a card and chocolate. We all worked on Daddy's candy & cookie jar. Valentine morning, we exchanged cards with the girls and I gave hubby his present...but there was nothing for me. Not a super big deal since I had gotten flowers the night before.

So, that night I came home late with the girls. We put them to bed and I went to my bedroom to change. When I came back to the living room, hubby had set up a little table with flowers, candles, champagne glasses, a bottle of 'special' juice and homemade chocolate covered strawberries. Very sweet. We had a chance to share about our day (hubby's secret expectation) and just be with each other. I love this man. He loves me and the girls enough to start awkward conversations and to try to live up to my 'secret' expectations. I am one lucky woman.

Super Saturday!

We made it through our "Super Saturday" of soccer registration, a skating birthday party, ballet class and a swimming birthday party. I had to forgo my basketball tourney because my hubby was puking all Friday and Saturday. (He is 0 for 2 this week, first missing my birthday, then making me miss my game! He has 1 more chance with Valentines!)

It was fun spending ALL that time with the girls, but we were wiped by the time we got home at 7 pm. We barely managed bathtime and the girls were asleep before they hit the pillows. I curled up on the couch to watch the hockey game with hubby and was asleep before he could ask me if I wanted a cup of tea. Exciting lives we lead!

On a different note, we are "losing our marbles" along with the Frews. We'll see if it works!

Lent and turning 34

I'm a firm believer that too many things/celebrations on one day can ruin a day. Take this coming Saturday for example, we have 2 birthday parties - 1 for each girl, a ballet class, soccer registration and my alumni basketball tournament. That is a lot for a day. We have to bring on hired help to manage this day! It is ridiculous.

This past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday(the beginning of Lent), Chinese New Year and my 34th birthday. So what did I do??? Nothing. Nada. Didn't celebrate my birthday because hubby dear was away at a conference. (Although a friend made me a beautiful chocolate cake at our single moms group) Forgot Lent and didn't think of what to give up. Realized it was Chinese New Year when Pookie came home with a lucky red envelope from preschool.

Missing these events is not the end of the world, I get that. But, it did make me sit back and think about our lives and how busy they can get.

I wonder if I can give up busy-ness for Lent???...

Words of wisdom from a 4 year old

At the dinner table during a particularily rough meal...and me sitting with my head in my hands...

Bear: Mama? Whatcha doing?

Pookie: SHHH!! Mama is praising the Lord!!!!

Me: I wasn't before but I am sure am now! Along with much laughter...

7:32 pm...

My favorite part of the day is when I start the process of making a cup of tea. Every day it is at the same time and the rhythm of it soothes me. (Why yes... I really am a 80 year old stuck in a 30ish year body!)

The reason it is at the same day each day is because Pookie and Bear go to bed at 7:30 pm. Every night. They may not be asleep at 7:32 pm, but they are in bed with books, an assortment of stuffed animals, a flashlight for Pookie and a bottle of water for Bear. And they stay there. It is really a new stage of life for us...and it is quite beautiful!

My girls don't nap...they haven't for a long time. When Pookie was just over 2 and Bear was a sick screaming newborn, Pookie decided that she didn't need naps. My dream of a break from 2 little ones was dashed in 2 months! This summer, at the ripe old age of 19 months, Bear stopped napping. So late afternoons used to be a little, um, tough. But now, we get home from Pookie's preschool, have a snack and some TV, dinner, bath, gametime or stories and bed. By 7:30. That is 2 1/2 hours of just alone time. Granted, we don't have a social life...at all. Maybe one of us gets out while the other stands guard over the girls, but we rarely have the girls out late. It isn't worth it. They may go to bed at 10 pm, but they will still get up between 6:45 - 7:15am. Then the day is shot.

Nope, we are boring parents with no social life. But come 7:32pm, I'm enjoying the sound of the kettle heating up, cup at the ready with the tea of choice and the option of grown up tv or a good book.

Must go, bath time awaits and 7:30 is fast approaching!

Overheard in an airport bathroom

"Mom! Don't touch my feet! They are MY feet!"
"I have too!"
"NO NO NOOOOOOOO!"
"Listen, I have to touch your feet so that I can wipe your butt!"
Silence....
"OH, OK then"

Ahh the joys of changing diapers in public places...

One of THOSE days...

Yesterday was one of those days where I wonder why God allowed me to be a mother.  The girls are sick and it was raining for the hundredth day in a row.  So I decided to keep Pookie home from preschool, because we don't need to share the blessing of the 'cold'. (if only other people felt that way, then we would not have had the cold in the first place!) But,I digress.  So, our house is a wreck because of the month of repairs, so we started to tidy up, laundry etc and things were going well.  My first hint that the day was going awry was when Bear burst into tears about...ummm...nothing!  Both girls had stayed awake in their beds until almost 11pm the night before and woke up at 7am.  Sweet.  Then Pookie started up with the bossy big sister routine, which consists of "Do it my way or nothing!"  Bear is pretty good to a point, then she figures out that it is NOT FAIR and bursts into tears again.  All this before 10am.  It pretty much was the longest day of my life.  It ended with Pookie in a 2 2/12 hour timeout in her bedroom for her own safety.  Poor Papabear came home to a crazy wife, a stubborn Pookie in her bedroom and a relieved Bear who was just looking for some love.  

Thankfully we ended the day with some "I'm sorrys and I love yous"  There is something incredibly humbling about the way kids so easily show grace.  Don't get me wrong, Pookie was pretty mad at me.  Madder and more firmly entrenched than I've ever seen her.  But at the end of the day, she needed/wanted me to help her with dinner, tuck her into bed and kiss good night.  Getting into power struggles with a 4 year old sucks.  Ending the day with love and kisses is amazing.  And I'm thankful that God is using these times to teach both of us.

All you can eat buffet...

When I lived in Camden, NJ, I experienced the truly American dining experience of the All You Can Eat Buffet. Being a west coast Canadian, I thought such places were an urban myth, since we have no such thing here. So, when I entered the restaurant with 20 teenagers, I was impressed by the selection. And terrified. Could I really eat enough to make it worthwhile? (no) How fresh was the food really? (not very) Was there any healthy options? (only if you consider limp lettuce and shredded carrots healthy) Needless to say, it was quite the trip and I can see why, perhaps, the USA has a high obesity rate.
Right now, Pookie and Bear are treating me and my fridge as short order cooks. Randomly throughout the day I hear calls for cheese! yogurt! cookies! pancakes! Yesterday, as my house was taken over by renovations and we could barely breathe with paint fumes and sanding, the girls took it to a new level. Every 5 mins. was a new demand. Especially from Bear, who must be going through a freakish massive growth spurt. It reminded me of my bar tending days without the gross drunk guys and piles of tip money. Just demands after demands for food. I realize that I am growing strong, beautiful, Amazon children, but this is ridiculous! Finally, I just made a huge plate of raw veggies, cheese, crackers and dried cranberries...placed it between the 2 of them and let them go at it. Why fight it? It is our own all you can eat buffet.